


The Bachelorette – Or: Does Anyone Want These Roses?

by Lukutoukka



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Aromantic Lardo, Coming Out, Douche Bros, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Matchmaking, Relationship Negotiation, mild homophobia, the bachelorette au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-26 03:57:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16674082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lukutoukka/pseuds/Lukutoukka
Summary: Lardo made a promise to the hockey gods and signs on as the Bachelorette when she and her team win the Isobelle Cup. So far, so good, right? Wrong. Lardo, self-proclaimed aromantic bitch, is absolutely uninterested in meeting anyone, let alone some of the people that sign up as candidates. Lucky for her, (almost) everyone on the show turns out to be some flavour of queer, so everything works out just fine. And that includes Kent and Tater, who bond over twitter and their shared love for trashy reality tv.Or: Lardo sets everyone up instead of trying to find her tru luv, in what is (not so) secretly Kent's (love) story.





	1. Before

**Author's Note:**

> Friends.
> 
> This is, to date, the longest fic I've ever written. And boy, it wasn't easy. But here we are! I couldn't have made it without my cheersquad & my beta readers – [Frizzy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/B_Frizzy), [Draskireis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draskireis/pseuds/Draskireis) and Denois. Thank you for keeping me afloat and getting me through this.
> 
> The art is by Theo, and I am so happy. I know you put a lot of thought and work into it and I love it!

Lardo sighed and looked up from the print out at her team, which was currently gathered around her and the Isobel Cup. Which they had just won.

“Really, y’all, really? I hate all of you.”

“Lies!” Farmer cried and the rest of the team joined in. They were right, of course. And she did promise… She sighed again.

“Alright, alright, I’ll fill it out,” she said.

“No need,” Ford said. “We already sent your application… last week.”

Lardo pulled up her eyebrows. “Optimistic, were you?”

Ford grinned back. “With you as our Captain? Always.”

***

_This year’s Bachelorette Larissa Duan, 29, is a professional hockey player. With her team, Boston Pride, she won the National Women’s Hockey League this season - already the second time she has her name on the Isobel Cup. Lardo (as Larissa is called by her team) promised to apply as the bachelorette should they win the cup again. Joining her on this season of “The Bachelorette” are these 25 candidates…_

***

Dex leveled an unimpressed look at his brother, who looked entirely unapologetic.

“You did what?” Dex repeated and his brother made that vague waving thing with his hands that didn’t mean anything.

“Vicky and I registered you as a candidate on “The Bachelorette”.”

“You mean you applied for me?”

“Well yes. And they liked you, so we registered you as a candidate.”

Dex gave into his urge and let his head fall on the table. “Ow,” he said. “Why? No, don’t answer that.

“How is that even legal?”

***

Kent flopped down on his couch after a particularly gruesome practise and switched the TV on, catching the last of a commercial break.

“... premiering next wednesday, the new season of The Bachelorette-”

Kent brightened up. A new Bachelorette season! He was a sucker for Reality TV and The Bachelorette especially.

“-with this year’s bachelorette, professional hockey player Larissa Duan from Boston Pride -”

Parse @kparson

_can’t wait for next wednesday… #bachelorette with lardo from boston pride_

 

15 minutes after he sent that tweet, Kent’s phone was the usual mess of twitter notifications. He was swiping them away when his eye caught one of the names in the list of people who’d liked his tweet. _Tater_. Alexei fucking Mashkov had liked his tweet?  

Kent stared at Kitt.

Kitt kept on sleeping.

“What the fuck.” He stared some more at his phone. “What the fuck, Kitt. The man hates my guts and now he’s liking my tweets?”


	2. Week 1

Lardo sighed down at the folder in front of her. 25 pages, one for each candidate. And at the end she’d have to  _ choose _ one of them.

“God damn it,” she muttered while flipping through the pages. There were a handful of guys who played hockey during college, or at least said they had, two or three with an art connection, and the rest seemed to be whoever the producer had taken a liking to.  _ Or paid enough money _ , she thought bitterly, when she reached the last contestant, a trust fund baby who was 22 and looked like it.

“This was a bad idea,” she said, but Farmer only laughed.

“But it was the deal. We win the Cup, you go on The Bachelorette. You don’t make a deal with the hockey gods and then back out of it.”

Lardo groaned. She knew Farmer was right. But still. The aromantic tomboy on a dating show. From the outside, she figured, this would probably be fun, but to her the next couple of weeks loomed threateningly. With a sigh, she closed the file and stood up.

“Alright, let’s go meet my contestants, shall we?”

***

“I don’t know why I even bother, I heard she doesn’t even want to be here. And she isn’t even all that pretty.”

Holster turned around to the speaker, a scrawny guy with shaggy brown hair and a patchy attempt at a beard.

“Last I checked, no one’s keeping you here, man,” he said and scrawny guy glowered at him, then took off to the other side of the room. Holster shrugged at the guy next to him, who grinned in answer.

“Some people just can’t be helped,” the guy said and offered his hand. “I’m Shitty, from the production team.”

Holster laughed in delight. “Holster. Please tell me that’s a hockey nickname.”

Shitty laughed back, showing off perfectly straight teeth behind his moustache. “Four years of college hockey, brah. Lost the Frozen Four just so, my senior year. Now it’s beer league for me, and watching. You?”

“A couple of years USHL,” Holster replied. “But went to college when it became clear that it wouldn’t work out. I played in college too, but we never made it to the Frozen Four. Now it’s just beer league, too. Where did you play?”

***

Dex felt very awkward in the back of the limousine. It was just a short ride to the mansion, to where he’d stay for the next couple of weeks with 24 other contestants and Larissa Duan. Whom he would meet in just a few more minutes. He wasn’t even really nervous about meeting her, wasn’t all that invested in being here, but he was still uncomfortable, acutely aware of the camera trained on him. He pulled at the collar of his dress shirt, but of course that didn’t help at all. He sighed and gave up. Whatever.

He caught a glimpse of the guy before him, disappearing through the huge double door of the mansion: a shock of unruly dark curls and legs that seemingly went on forever, his movements fluid and graceful, until he stumbled over - the threshold? 

Only when someone from the production team opened the door to the limousine did Dex remember that he wasn’t here for some random dude, but for Larissa, who was waiting for him on the steps in front of the mansion. He took a deep breath and climbed out of the limousine, pasting on a smile.

Larissa turned to look at him, then said something to the blond woman next to her, tall and muscular. Dex was fairly certain she was a teammate of Larissa’s and racked his brain to come up with her name. His sister would have his head if he didn’t remember - she shot him a hard look, probably because it took him forever to cover the few steps between the limousine and her and Larissa, which was exactly what he needed. Caitlin Farmer!

“Hi Larissa,” he said once he was close to the two of them and offered his hand first Larissa, then Caitlin. “Caitlin Farmer, right? It’s a pleasure to meet the two of you. I’m, uh, William Poindexter? You can call me Will. Or Dex, I guess.”

Larissa smiled a little as she shook his hand. “Please, feel free to call me Lardo. Almost no one calls me Larissa, it’s a little weird.”

Caitlin looked a little surprised when he greeted her by name and when he offered his old hockey nickname, her eyebrows climbed even higher. 

“Dex?” she asked after Dex agreed to call Larissa Lardo and he knew that his brother wouldn’t have left his hockey nickname off the forms. He was fairly certain he already mentioned it in a conversation with someone from the show, too.

He explained it anyway: “Old hockey nickname. I, uh, played in college and it kind of stuck, especially with my college friends.”

They talked about hockey for a while, which seemed to relax all of them, until someone from behind the camera motioned to them to wrap it up.

“Alright, Dex,” Lardo said. “We have a few more people who play or played hockey. I can’t think why that might be.” Her tone was dry. “Most of them played in college as well, maybe you’ll run into some old rivals when you go on inside.” Her eyes twinkled when she said it. “When were you in college? About five years back? That seems about right.” And then, when Dex nodded: “Ever play against Samwell?” Caitlin and she shared an amused look.

Dex felt his eyes go wide. “Actually, I played  _ for _ Samwell.” Both Lardo and Caitlin froze.

“No kidding? Who was your goalie?”

***

“Chowder!”

Derek looked up at the voice from the door and froze: The guy standing in the door opening was tall and lean, all muscle, with red hair that looked like it had seen some gel earlier but lost it all to nervous fingers. Not that it was long enough to go anywhere far. 

His hair clashed a little with his cheeks and (rather big) ears turning pink, as the guy noticed everyone’s eyes on him. He dragged a hand through his hair and then pulled at the collar of his shirt, which looked like it wasn’t the first time he’d done that. But before Derek could lose himself too much just looking at the dude, there was an answering shout, some commotion and then the dude was hugging another guy, who looked to be of Asian descent, a little shorter than the redhead. He was talking a mile a minute. Derek was fairly certain he called the redhead Dex, but then there was someone beside him.

“Please tell me that isn’t Chris Chow in the ginger’s arms,” the guy next to Derek said, sounding slightly disgusted. Derek felt himself bristle even before he turned to the guy - kid would be appropriate here, actually: white, his blond hair gelled back, a thin gold chain peeking through the open button of his dress shirt and a watch that basically screamed its price on his wrist.

“You got a problem with two dudes showing affection?” Derek asked, making his voice as icy as he could. He had a lot of practice, so his icy was very icy. The kid next to him paled a little, which was very satisfying to see, and mumbled something that sounded like “Didn’t mean it like that.”

Derek hummed noncommitedly and chose to walk away from the kid.  _ Better for everyone involved _ , he thought, as he wandered over to the bar. The mustachioed dude from the producer’s team was standing close by, talking to a fit blond guy with a well groomed, full beard. Holy shit, what was it with all the good looking guys around here? If any of them turned out to be nice, Derek might die. He was here for Larissa, not the other contestants, he should not be going around thinking about them.

He got himself a drink and joined the two men. He knew the producer guy introduced himself earlier, but he’d forgotten already, so the first thing he did was introduce himself. Shitty took it in stride that Derek forgot his name and then the other guy was introducing himself and Derek shook his hand and there was  _ something _ about Holster that made his brain tingle.

“Do we know each other? I feel like I know you from somewhere,” Derek said and Holster looked at him, considering.

“Did you play hockey?” he finally asked and that was all the reminder Derek needed.

“Holy shit, of course!” Derek stared at Holster. “You played at Harvard. We had the best team in years while I was at Princeton, and you almost single handedly handed us our asses! It was almost as bad as playing Samwell with Chow in goal, and he at least went on to play NHL...” Derek trailed off and turned to look at where Dex had greeted his old friend earlier - of course, the spot was empty now, both men having vanished into the crowd.

“That was him with the redhead earlier, no?” he asked his companions. Shitty started laughing and Holster grinned at him.

“If you paid attention like that while playing, no wonder we had no problem with you,” Holster chirped and Derek laughed, too, albeit a little distracted.

“Wait. The redhead, is he an old team mate of Chow’s? Did we play him too?” At Derek’s words, Holster turned around too and when they finally spotted Dex and Chow, all three of them stared at the pair. Derek tried to think back to his games against Samwell, but he played so many games during his college career, he couldn’t keep them straight in his head. Holster seemed to have the same problem.

“He doesn’t seem familiar now, but maybe when we talk to him,” he offered and Derek nodded, then turned to Shitty.

“Is this planned? That we all know each other or played each other in college or something?” he asked.

Shitty shook his head. “Not really? But we’re heavy on the hockey players for obvious reasons and y’all are around the same age, so…”

***

Parse @kparson

_ TWO NHL players on #TheBachelorette and they didn’t ask me? I am HURT _

 

Parse @kparson

_ @chrischow55 and @oluransi11 y’all better not make a fool of the rest of us #TheBachelorette _

 

Parse @kparson

_ having trouble connecting that @chrischow55 with the one on the ice. guess the stories about him being an absolute goofball off ice are true then #TheBachelorette _

 

Parse @kparson

_ on the other hand, i’m very happy to see my buddy @jackzimmermann looking gooood.  _

 

Tatertot @mashkov7

_ reply to @kparson _

_ on ice personality is not same as off ice personality, do you not know that yet, @kparson? but @chrischow55 is fantastic on and off  _

 

Tatertot @mashkov7

_ happy my friend @oluransi11 has chance to woo @larissaduan20 on #TheBachelorette _

 

Kent shook his head at his phone - what was it  _ with _ Mashkov, why did he interact so much with Kent’s tweets? - just as the commercial break was over and they gave a quick recap about the date Lardo was on. Lardo did not look happy at all, hadn’t looked happy from the start and Kent totally understood why that was. 

One of guys had enough product in his hair that it looked both wet and lank, and on top of that he wore a pink polo shirt, cargo shorts and topsiders. He looked like a stereotypical trust fund kid, and still young enough to rightfully be called kid.

The other guy had a patchy attempt at a beard and had mentioned Lardo going without makeup at least twice in the duration of the date. One of the times he’d called it “brave”.

Lardo’s left eye was twitching.

 

Tatertot @mashkov7

_ I think dude with strange beard is real brave here. because he went on camera with “beard” like that voluntary and because of how he talks to @larissaduan20 _

 

Parse @kparson

_ reply to @mashkov7 _

_ right? lardo could probably snap him in half without breaking a sweat and she looks about ready to do so _

 

Parse @kparson

_ reply to @mashkov7 and @kparson _

_ not that i can fault her _

 

On screen, Lardo said: “Traditionally, after the two on one date, one candidate gets a rose and is safe, while the other must leave the show. Since I’d much rather not see either of you ever again, I’ll be giving my rose to Shitty.”

Kent dropped his phone as the camera swung around to show a lean dude with long, brown hair and a moustache, holding a clipboard, a headset around his neck. He looked as surprised as everyone else, but caught himself quickly, strolling over to where Lardo and the two candidates stood.

“It is an honour, Miss Duan,” he said and Lardo rolled his eyes at him. “I’m not sure I can accept this, though. It is unprecedented.”

“Well, I am the bachelorette and I am making it a thing,” Lardo said, steel in her voice. 

Shitty bowed and took the rose, just as the two candidates finally caught on to what was happening and started protesting. Kent scrambled for his phone.

 

Parse @kparson

_ sometimes @larissaduan20 scares me, but man, do i love her _

 

Tatertot @mashkov7

_ reply to @kparson _

_ should have been candidate then, if you love her, no? _

 

***

Dex made it through week one more or less in one piece. Derek Nurse continued to be a beautiful pain in his ass - sadly not literally - and Dex continued to tell himself that he could absolutely stay in the competition with Derek without falling for him. Which was when The Dinner happened, before the first rose ceremony. Whoever came up with that idea had to be a sadist. As if the tension wasn’t bad enough already before the rose ceremony, they were forced to sit through a dinner together, knowing that one of them would be gone at the end of the evening. Worst of all, in Dex’s opinion, was the fact that they had to wear a single rose on their lapels and Dex was positive they chose the one they gave him specifically so it would clash with his hair. If it had been a dark red rose like some other people were sporting he probably would have been fine, but no, it was a red that looked awful with his hair.

So Dex wasn’t in the best of moods walking into the dining room. He planned to stick to Chowder and Ransom, who, for some reason, seemed to have adopted him. Hanging out with the two of them during the last week had been fun, but it had also made Dex ache a little, an unfocused kind of longing for the professional hockey life he never got, courtesy of a broken wrist that kept him from playing in the important games and didn’t heal perfectly, besides. He’d mostly made his peace with it, even though it took a while. He liked the life he had now. The majority of time, at least.

He was one of the first to arrive, but that just made it easier to spot Ransom, who was already there even before Dex. He was talking to Jack Zimmermann, and Dex wavered a little, but then he went over to join them. He hadn’t talked much with Jack during the last week, so in his head he was still Jack fucking Zimmermann, projected #1 draft pick, son of Bad Bob Zimmermann, failed hockey prodigy. Well, the last one not so much, Dex only played NCAA, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to go around judging people who dropped out of hockey. It was just that he’d read so many articles with the same storyline that his brain couldn’t help but think it, for just a second, whenever he thought of Jack.

“What’s up?” he greeted them and tried not to think  _ Jack fucking Zimmermann _ in his head.

“Yo,” Ransom said and  _ he _ had got a dark red rose, Dex noticed. Jack’s rose was the same red as Dex’s and managed to look sad already.

“I miss my camera,” Jack said, and it felt like a non sequitur, but Dex guessed it was what they were talking about before he came over.

So he asked: “You weren’t allowed to bring it?”

He wouldn’t be surprised, given the legalities and such that came with the show. Dex had signed so many NDAs and other contracts and agreements with lots of pages and complex language, he’d lost count. They were theoretically allowed to bring their electronics, but the rules for their usage were so strict that Dex hadn’t bothered, with the exception of his phone. Which, thanks to the rules, was almost useless anyway. Maybe Jack had felt similar about his camera?

“I didn’t ask,” Jack said and had the decency to look embarrassed about it.

“You didn’t ask,” Dex echoed, incredulous. From what he heard, Jack was basically  _ married _ to his camera and he didn’t even ask if he was allowed to bring it? Jack shrugged.

“I didn’t want to be a pain in the ass about it,” he said and Ransom spluttered.

“Bro. Stuff like that is what perpetuates stereotypes about Canadians,” he said, and Dex and Jack started laughing. Jack and Ransom dove into a friendly squabble over Canadian stereotypes, and Dex sobered a little, looking around the room. It was more casual than not, so everyone was wearing dress shirts, some combining them with dark jeans, others with slacks, like Dex. During the time he’d talked to Jack and Ransom, most of the other candidates had arrived too; over near the door Chowder was talking to Caitlin Farmer and, Dex stared a little, he had the exact same face he had around his then girlfriend in college. Dex considered going over to the two of them to find out what that was all about, when Derek fucking Nurse walked through the door, looking like a minor god: dark curls carefully styled, his dress shirt tucked into his slacks, complimenting his athletic build and, of fucking course, his dark red rose looked amazing on him. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, showing off his forearms, and Dex couldn’t deal with this.

Dex blinked at Nursey for a bit, following his progression through the room and realised he needed to talk to Lardo, needed to drop out of the competition, because it had only been a week and he was already completely gone on Nurse. Fuck. He really liked Lardo, too, so that was a conversation that was going to be fun. And also one that should take place before the rose ceremony, probably. It wouldn’t be fair to Lardo otherwise, he thought.

“I need to go talk to, uh,” he said to Ransom and Jack, unprompted, and left before they could react. Whatever. Lardo wasn’t here yet, so his best bet was probably Farmer. She saw him coming and eyed his approach warily. Chowder turned around too, his face lighting up when he saw Dex.

“Hey, uh, can I talk to you for a second, Farmer?” Dex asked, and then, to Chowder: “I’ll bring her right back, I promise.” Farmer nodded, and they stepped out into the hallway, the chatter from the dining room dimming a little. 

Dex took a deep breath and said: “I need to talk to Lardo before the Rose Ceremony. I think I need to drop out.” Farmer made a face at him he couldn’t read. She was quiet for a moment, then gave him directions where to find Lardo.

He was standing in front of the right door way too soon, a camera on him. He eyed it, unsure about its presence. His reason for dropping out would be aired, apparently. Well, what the hell, he was out to most people anyway and everyone else could just deal. He wasn’t sure what exactly his face was doing, but whatever it was, Lardo looked concerned with the first glimpse of Dex she got.

“Hey Lardo,” he said and offered a smile. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

She sighed and opened her door. “Come on in, Dex. What’s up?”

He decided it was best to get to the point quickly, so he just bit the bullet. “I need to drop out of the competition.”

Lardo stilled. “Why?”

“Because we’re only a week in and I’m completely gone on Derek Nurse, and I feel like it isn’t fair to you to stay, you know?” He was a little afraid of her reaction, but her face just turned soft. She was quiet for a while, and Dex thought maybe he should elaborate, but he wasn’t sure what to say, so they were just quiet together for a while.

Finally, Lardo broke the silence. “I appreciate your sincerity, but if you don’t mind, I’d like you to stay. I -” she sighed. “I’m not all that interested in anyone here and some of those guys are real jerks, so I’d rather you stayed. At least for a few weeks longer, until I had the chance to get rid of some more of these jerks, you know?”

Dex stared at her. He wasn’t really sure whether he just heard that right or not. “Are you sure?” he couldn’t help but ask.

Lardo grinned at him. “I’m an aromantic bitch who’s here because she gave the Hockey Gods a promise... Yes, I’m sure. I wouldn’t even mind you flirting with Derek, at least that way maybe someone gets a relationship out of this.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him and Dex couldn’t help but grin at her.

“Alright,” he said. “I’ll stay. But if you’re through with the assholes, feel free to eliminate me, yeah?”

***

 

Parse @kparson

_ did... did that really just happen? like waaaaaat #TheBachelorette _

 

Parse @kparson

_ way to go dex & lardo for that honesty. love ya! #TheBachelorette _

 

Tatertot @mashkov7

_ reply to @kparson _

_ that sounds little ironic _

 

Parse @kparson

_ reply to @mashkov7 _

_ dude, i’m not doing #YouCanPlay by accident _

 

Kent hesitated a little before sending that last tweet, but whatever. If need be, he’d cook up a story about a queer family member or something. This wasn’t him coming out, it was him showing solidarity. 

Still...


	3. Week 2

When Holster walked into the kitchen early in the second week, it was suspiciously empty. He’d passed Dex and Chowder in the hall, so he was fairly certain he didn’t miss any group activity, but still. On the counter were what looked like ingredients for a pie strewn haphazardly, but the only person in the kitchen was - Justin Oluransi. He had a book in front of him.

_Oh shit,_ Holster thought. _Okay, I can do this._ Talking to his hockey crush while in sweatpants and an old Harvard shirt? No problem at all.

“Yo,” he heard himself say. “What’s up, bro?” _Way to go, Holster._ “I didn’t miss anything, did I?” he added, just to make sure.

Justin – Justin fucking Oluransi, fuck! – offered him a smile. “I don’t think so? Lardo has taken a couple of the guys out, Jack and Eric just left for the grocery store, because Eric wants to bake but doesn’t have all the stuff and Dex and Chowder are … actually, no idea, they were just here. Didn’t pay much attention.” He held the book up, as explanation, Holster guessed: _Reaper Man._

“Yeah, I passed them in the hall,” Holster opened the fridge. He’d totally forgotten what he’d come for, but he wasn’t about to _show_ that. “Who’s on the date with Lardo?”

“No one I really care to know. I made smoothie with mango, if you want some. You’re, hold on, Holster?”

Holster agreed to the smoothie, if only to have something to do, a reason to stay in the kitchen with Justin. _Conversation!_ “Yeah, I’m Holster. Old hockey nickname, back from Harvard. Adam’s okay, too. You think Lardo’s going to give Shitty the rose again?” He couldn’t help but grin.

“I’m Ransom, but I’m guessing you know that. You can also call me Justin, if you want to.” Oluran- no, Ransom, smirked at him. “Gods, I really hope she’ll give her rose to Shitty. Most of the guys she’s out with are just the worst, it’s… I don’t even know. But I guess that’s what to be expected on a reality tv show, no?”

_Hold on, what?_ “What?” Holster stared at Olu– Ransom. “If you think that… why are you here?” _Shit shit, no, we wait for the brain, mouth!_

Ransom looked around, then leaned closer to Holster and _winked_ as he said: “Because Lardo asked and for the publicity, of course.”

Holster couldn’t help but laugh. Either reality tv was even more scripted than he’d always thought, or Lardo was really turning this thing upside down.

“So, you and Lardo are friends?” he asked and Ransom nodded. “What if you’re the one who gets the final rose?” Holster couldn’t help but ask.

“Then,” Ransom looked grave as he answered, “we shall continue to be friends.”

Holster started giggling before he could stop himself. Ransom winked at him. Again. Holster barely stopped himself from fanning himself.

“So, Adam,” Justin looked at him attentively. “You played hockey for Harvard?”

Holster nodded. “Sure did, yes. Was a lot of fun, but not quite enough to go pro, you know?”

Justin nodded and they started talking about NCAA versus pro hockey, wandered over to the living room when Jack and Eric came back with the ingredients, switched topics several times and were still talking when Lardo and the guys she’d had with her on the group date came back. Holster looked up only long enough to see if the one with a rose was indeed a contestant – it was Nursey – before turning back to their conversation.

Or, that was the plan anyway. Justin had looked up too, and was still looking at Nursey. Holster gave Nursey another look, but he wasn’t quite sure what it was that made Justin almost stare at Nursey.

“You know,” Justin said. “You shouldn’t tell people this exactly, but Nursey almost made Dex drop out before the rose ceremony the other day.”

_“What?!”_ Holster hissed. How? Why? “What the fuck did he do?”

“Exist, I think,” Justin answered and Holster was confused. What? “Okay, so I got explicit permission from both Lardo and Dex to tell this, so this is basically state sanctioned gossiping, otherwise I wouldn’t tell, but – Dex offered to drop out because he’s apparently super duper attracted to Nursey and figured it wasn’t fair to Lardo. But Lardo just so happens to be, in her words, super aromantic and only here because of the hockey gods and she doesn’t really care if she finds someone here or not, so she told Dex that if he wanted to stay and woo Nursey, he’d be welcome too.”

“Really?” Holster asked. This changed – well, nothing, probably, because while he was very bi and very attracted to Justin Oluransi, Justin was a black NHL player and presumably not super interested in being out on top of that. If he even was, you know, interested in guys.

Still, it was a very interesting bit of information. He wasn’t quite sure what to say in response though.

“You and Chowder hang out a lot with Dex, no?” he finally settled on, and Justin nodded.

“Yeah, he and Chowder played together in college. Apparently they were pretty tight, but lost contact before the show. I wasn’t told, but from what I hear, Dex was pretty good and didn’t get to go pro because of bad luck mostly, so I think that might’ve been playing a role.”

Holster could relate all too well.

“Anyway, Chowder and I gotta stick together while we’re here, and currently Dex and Chowder are a bit of a package deal, so I’ve seen a lot of Dex too. I like him.”

***

There was a group date near the end of Week 2, and it was taking place on ice. It had been forever since Derek last went skating – he wasn’t even sure he remembered the last time he was on the ice. He’d always liked hockey, but after college, he’d played less and less, without even thinking about it. Now that he was about to step on the ice again, he was a little surprised how little he actually missed it. He was one of the last to finish lacing up his skates, not sure if his body would remember this or not, willfully hanging back a little, figuring that coming on the ice late, everyone else would be busy getting used to skating and no one would pay much attention to him.

He walked over to the rink, used to the feeling of skates under him after just a few steps, and he thought that this might go better than he feared, when he reached the boards and saw what was going on on the ice: Chowder, Ransom, Holster and Shitty, who, for some reason, was mingling with the candidates more often than not, were all trying to catch Dex, who was winding through the other people on the ice with an ease that spoke of long training hours, his feet quick and nimble, his changes of direction quick and fast and it was possibly the prettiest skating Nursey had ever seen in his entire life.

Everybody else was either super concentrated on their own skating, or following Dex and the others, with the exception of Eric, who seemed to do some figure skating stuff— and Jack, who was watching Bitty. So what Nursey should be doing was: get on the ice and try to get back his sea legs. (If they still existed.)

Instead, Nursey stepped on the ice, leaned against the boards, and watched Dex. Now that he was seeing him on the ice, there was a memory stirring in the back of his mind, of being outplayed by the d-man from Samwell, who’d put him in the boards as he should, but also managed to skate around half of their team, apparently without breaking a sweat. Who’d taken off his helmet after the game, ears protruding, hair clashing with the Samwell red, quietly talking to his goalie after the game.

And now here they were, with Dex skating as if he did it for a living and probably in better shape than he’d been in during college and Nursey was about to lose his chill.

“He sure knows how to skate, doesn’t he?”

Nursey turned around. Lardo was standing on the other side of the boards, leaning on them next to Nursey and watching Dex too.

“Yeah, he - I remember him from college. He was a damn good skater then too,” Nursey heard himself say.

“So I’ve been told,” Lardo answered and then, in a very careful tone of voice, she added: “So, I don’t know if you’ve heard yet, but – you know why I’m here, right?” She barely waited for Nursey to nod. “So, I’m not exactly looking for the love of my life here. As a matter of fact, I told some people already that, you know, if they find themselves interested in another candidate… That if someone comes out of this with someone new by their side, that would be a pretty cool thing, no?”

With that, she climbed over the boards – even though the door was literally just on the other side of Nursey – and skated off. On the other end of the rink, Dex skated into Chowder’s arms, both of them laughing and quickly joined by Holster and Ransom.

_Lardo,_ Nursey thought, _what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?_

***  
Parse @kparson  
_holy shit, is Lardo playing matchmaker?? #bachelorette_

***

Lardo sighed at her mirror, contemplating lipstick versus no lipstick for the rose ceremony. They were only two weeks in and she was getting tired of this. Maybe she needed some distractions. Like Dex and Nursey. Or Shitty. If she was being fair, there were some very nice people here. On the other hand, the rest wasn’t all that great.

Why had she ever made that promise?

There was a knock on the door, just as Lardo decided to go with the lipstick. She felt like lipstick.

“Come in,” she called, and began applying the red colour to her bottom lip.

“Lipstick day, huh?” a woman’s voice asked, and Lardo turned around. In the door were Farmer and Ford, both of them wearing fancy dresses.

“You’re back!” Lardo exclaimed and forgot all about the lipstick as she went over to hug her teammates. “I missed you so much.”

“Oh we know,” Ford said. “But really we’re here because Cait here has some goalie questions for Chowder.” She wiggled her eyebrows and Lardo laughed.

“You haven’t eliminated him yet, have you?”


	4. Week 3

Lardo got intercepted by Ransom after breakfast at the beginning of the third week.

“Hey Lardo, could I talk to you for a moment?” Ransom asked and looked at the closest camera. “Without a camera, please.”

Lardo nodded and waved the camera away. “Sure thing, Ransom. Let’s… the sunroom, maybe?”

Ransom shrugged. “Sure.”

They made their way upstairs in silence, both aware of the camera and microphone they left behind. Only once they were in the sunroom, Lardo sitting in one of the armchairs, Ransom on the loveseat, did Lardo asked what was going on.

Ransom squirmed a little. “So, uh, I don’t know if you know this, but…” he trailed off. Lardo looked at him expectantly.

“I’m not exclusively attracted to women.” Ransom rushed a little. “I never much bothered exploring it, because, y’know, being black and playing hockey isn’t easy to begin with, so it was just easier to, like, concentrate on my attraction to women, right?”

Lardo nodded.

Ransom bit his lower lip. “I’ve fallen in love with Holster,” he said and Lardo couldn’t help but grin in delight.

“That’s great, Ransom,” she exclaimed. “And you’re telling me, because… you want to leave? You both want to leave?” She was guessing here, but she had inkling that this wasn’t just a thing for Ransom.

Ransom made a vague motion with his hands. “I know you want to get rid of the assholes first,” he started, but Lardo was distracted by movement, just inside her field of vision. She looked up: Holster was leaning in the door frame, grinning like a dork. He was staring at Ransom, who, Lardo noticed, stared back.

“Am I too late?” he asked, his eyes never leaving Ransom.

“Perfectly on time, actually,” Ransom answered and Holster made his way over to the loveseat. It wasn’t build for two people of Holster’s and Ransom’s size, but Holster didn’t even attempt to leave space between him and Ransom, instead snuggling up to Ransom the second he sat down, one hand on Ransom’s thigh. Ransom put his arm around Holster in a move Lardo figured was supposed to look casual, but missed the mark by about a mile. 

She smiled at them. They made a pretty pair, she thought, and told them so. Holster blushed.

“Listen, I understand if you two want to leave, it’s not going to be easy to keep this away from the cameras, and on the down low, I know. But if you’re willing to stay, I could throw around some weight and, I don’t know, get a designated camera free zone, where you could retreat and stuff. We could probably have everyone sign NDAs, if we wanted too.” She cut Ransom off with a motion of her hand before he even started to speak. “Talk it through with each other, I’d love to have you here longer, you know that. The sunroom shall be yours until you come to a decision.”

With that, she got up and left them to themselves. She’d really like them to stay, but she figured that Ransom wasn’t keen on coming out anytime soon, and while it probably would be doable to keep this under wraps if they stayed on the show, it’d be a lot easier on them to leave. 

***

Parse @kparson

_ man, i’d sure love to know what @oluransi11 and @larissaduan20 talk about that they want to do so without a camera… #TheBachelorette _

 

Tatertot @mashkov7

_ reply to @kparson _

_ are you not friends with both of them? so why you not know? _

 

Parse @kparson

_ reply to @mashkov7 and @kparson _

_ maybe i do. maybe they pay me to generate interest _

 

Tatertot @mashkov7

_ reply to @kparson and @mashkov7 _

_ would be sound tactic)))))) _

 

Kent grinned at his phone. He’d actually started looking forward to Wednesdays, not only because he loved finding out how Lardo and the candidates managed to turn the whole concept upside down, but also because it meant exchanging tweets with Mashkov. He liked it.

And sometimes, like today, Mashkov had a point. He messaged Ransom.

**_Kent:_ ** _ Why does Tater know what you talked about with Lardo and I don’t??  _

**_Kent:_ ** _ I thought we were friends!! :((( _

His phone dinged almost immediately with a reply.

**_Ransom:_ ** _ you never asked _

Which… was true. Still.

**_Ransom:_ ** _ remember the awards the other year? _

Kent did indeed remember. He’d taken advantage of the fact that the awards had been in Vegas and gotten drunk after the show with some old (and one current) teammates. Ransom had joined them because he and John were playing together and apparently friendly, and at some point, most of the guys had left, leaving Swoops, John and Kent. And Ransom. 

Which Kent hadn’t entirely been aware of, as he dragged them to another bar. A small, private dive, just off the strip, very gay, access limited to people who knew the right people. He wasn’t exactly a regular, but they knew his face there. And not because he was the captain of the city’s hockey team. Well, not only because of that.

Anyway, he’d flirted and had been flirted with the usual people. Which wouldn’t have been a problem if it had been only Swoops and John, because he was out to them. But then he’d finally registered Ransom’s continued presence, and maybe he’d panicked a bit.

Ransom, to his credit, remained totally cool, swore up and down that Kent’s secret would be safe with him and had gotten backup by John, which, if Kent was honest, had been the deciding factor for Kent that evening. He’d proceeded to drink some little more – no one had ever accused him of great decision making – and possibly flirted very obviously with Ransom. His memories were a little fuzzy, and he’d never worked up the courage to ask.

They’d stayed in contact, but the details of that evening had never come up. So for Ransom to bring it up…

**_Kent:_ ** _ I do. Why? _

The next message Kent got was not a text message, but a picture. A picture of Ransom kissing a blond guy. It took Kent a bit before he recognised him: Holster, USHL player, Harvard alum, now working … Kent wasn’t quite sure, actually. Some desk job. A bit dorky, but even with the apparently heavily edited footage and through the tv, it had been obvious how perfectly he and Ransom had clicked.

**_Kent:_ ** _ Dude. nice pull!! _

***

Being  _ The Bachelorette _ , Lardo had learned, was exhausting. There was almost always at least one set of camera and microphone near her and she was almost constantly joined by people. It probably didn’t help that she found at least half of the contestants utterly boring at best and downright offensive at worst.

So she found time to be by herself, in silence. Like tonight: She was sitting on the roof terrace, wrapped up in a light blanket against the chill of the night, staring up at the night sky. The waxing moon was hanging low on the horizon, not quite half full. The sky was filled with stars, hundreds of thousands of them, twinkling like diamond splitters on dark satin. The lights of the nearest city lit up the horizon to the east a little, but the location of the house was isolated enough that more stars showed up than Lardo had ever seen in her life before. Right above her was a light haze she thought might be the milky way, but she couldn’t be certain.

Looking up at the stars that twinkled down on her, uncaring, Lardo understood why humans tended to put gods into the sky.

Gods like the hockey gods she’d made a promise to. One did not rescind a deal with the gods, hockey or otherwise. So here she was, on a show she found utterly ridiculous, with people she really wasn’t interested in.

At least not the way everybody assumed she should be interested in their candidates.

One of the only upsides to this was the fact that the producers of the show gave her amazing amounts of leeway to turn this thing on its head as much as she wanted.

Also, she delighted in her candidates finding each other. Ransom and Holster had gotten their shit together already, Dex and Nursey would soon, if she had any say. Chowder and Caitlin would probably be a terrifying couple, what with both of them being goalies. She wasn’t sure what was going on with Eric and Jack, but Eric turned into a mess whenever Jack was close. Jack seemed oblivious, but she had a hard time reading him. She wasn’t even sure why he was on the show in the first place.

She was pulled from her thoughts when someone sat down on the deck chair next to her. She hadn’t heard them come outside, so deeply had she been lost in her thoughts, and she barely kept from startling noticeably.

Of course, the someone who’d taken a seat next to her was Shitty, and he seemed to know her very well already. Well enough in any case, to pick up on her mood.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t want to startle you. Would you rather be alone?” 

Lardo didn’t doubt for a second that if she said yes, Shitty would leave without hesitation. She had looked for some quiet time for herself when she came up here, but now that Shitty was here, she didn’t want him to leave.

“As long as you’re not here to discuss show business, you’re very welcome to stay,” she said.

“Lucky me then,” he answered. “I’m currently as on break as I can be.”

“Lucky you then,” Lardo echoed, and they fell quiet, sitting together in silence for a long while. The moon had almost completely dipped beneath the horizon before Shitty spoke again.

“You see that bright star just above that high conifer over there?” he asked and pointed. Lardo nodded. “It’s actually a planet. Saturn. They recently discovered another moon or two it’s got. They’re officially up to 62 or something now. The biggest ones are actually big enough that you only need a halfway decent telescope and a little luck to see them.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s amazing. When my mom first showed me Saturn through a telescope, I just about died. I didn’t even see the moons, but just that planet with its ring – it’s absolutely fascinating.”

“Why did you say “officially” up to 62 moons?” Lardo heard herself asking.

“Well you know… No one bothered yet to define a moon with a minimum size. A moon’s just a natural satellite that circuits around a planet and is smaller than said planet by some margin. Not quite sure how small a moon has to be, compared to its planet, that they don’t count as a double planet. Anyway, by that definition, just about any natural thing circling a planet would be a moon, no?” Shitty was quiet for a bit. “On the other hand, there’s also a moon or two that are bigger than Mercury. Less mass, though.”

“No kidding?”

“No kidding,” Shitty said, and launched into another explanation.

_ Witty and charming _ , Lardo thought, as she threw her head back in laughter at one of his stories.  _ Why can’t all my candidates be more like him? _

***

Of course, Shitty should have known beforehand.

But no one ever told him anything, apparently. So when Chas refused his rose during the rose ceremony, there was nothing he could do but trying to find out if anybody in the crew knew about this before the ceremony or not.

“I think it’s fairer for you that I leave now–” Chas launched into a whole speech on stage and Shitty rolled his eyes. He’d say something about fairness and how he liked Lardo, but didn’t think they were a good fit and stuff, when everyone with more than two brain cells could see that he was leaving because he thought Lardo wasn’t good enough for him. Not that anybody would miss him.

Lardo, Shitty noticed, made a carefully blank face while listening to Chas. Some of the candidates behind Chas on the other hand, didn’t have a great poker face at all. Nursey and Holster were snickering into their hands and Ransom next to them was biting his lip in an obvious effort not to laugh as Chas spoke, at length, about the competition’s integrity. The corners of Dex’s mouth were twitching.

Shitty’s assistant, on the other hand, looked as stressed as Shitty felt and – whispering furiously – denied any knowledge of this. So did anyone else available.

Shitty hated candidates that didn’t talk to anyone. Besides, it was just bad form to spring this onto Lardo without warning.

Finally, Chas stopped talking, and Shitty thanked every deity listening for Lardo’s diplomacy, as she thanked Chas for his honesty, while underhandedly criticizing him for springing this on everyone involved without warning.

Shitty sent someone else to deal with Chas, and turned back to the stage, just in time to see Ashton step towards Lardo without being asked.

“Oh no,” Shitty breathed. Lardo pulled her eyebrows up.

Ashton took off his hat, twisting it in his hands. “I – I’m sorry to spring this on you like this, but uh… I would like to leave too, uhm.” He stopped. Lardo smiled at him. 

Ashton was, somewhere, a good kid. Not very observant, most of the time, so his apology probably had more to do with his upbringing than him catching onto Lardo’s criticism towards Chas. Shitty knew Lardo liked him better than some of the others, although he’d heard her describe him as “so… redneck” to Caitlin. She wasn’t wrong, either, Shitty thought, as he found Tessa, the assistant producer.

“Do we still have her throw out one of them or do we skip that part this week?” he asked and Tessa shrugged.

“I don’t give a fuck,” she said. “Have her decide, flip a coin, I don’t care. It’s your call.”

Of course it is, Shitty thought and wondered if he should just go up on the stage after Ashton left, or wait for a cue from Lardo. In the end, Lardo turned around to face him just as Ashton left, squinting into the lights.

“Do I still throw someone out or nah?” she asked and some of the candidates giggled. 

“Isn’t it traditional that no one is thrown out when somebody leaves on their own, though?” Jackson “I’m a Good Guy” West asked and Shitty rolled his eyes at Lardo.

“Your call,” he said, certain that she just so stopped herself from making a face at him.

“Alright, if it’s traditional,” Lardo said. “Come and get your roses, everyone.”


	5. Week 4

“Yo, Chowder,” Dex said and nudged Chowder with his leg. They were lying on adjacent deck chairs next to the pool. Dex was trying to read, and Chowder had also brought a magazine along, but it was as of yet untouched. Chowder didn’t look up, but Dex knew he had his attention anyway.

“Chowder, stop thinking so hard, it’s distracting,” he said and Chowder sighed. Dex put his book down. “Okay, what’s going on here?”

Chowder tried to make an innocent face. That had stopped working on Dex before midterms their first term, and Chowder knew it, so Dex just looked at him unimpressed. Chowder stuck his tongue out at him.

“Caitlin Farmer,” he said.

Dex rolled his eyes. “What about her?” he asked. He had a fair idea what about her, but still. “She’s a Cup winning goalie. So are you. She’s sitting over there, actually reading something, like you intended to do. Vicky loves her a lot. Great stats, as far as I know.”

Before he could think of how to continue, Chowder interrupted him: “I’ve got a crush on her.”

Dex grinned at Chowder. “So? Tell me something new.”

“Hold on, you knew?”

“Sure did. The way you’re looking at her… You used to look at May that way, in college.” He left the “And me.” unspoken, mindful of the cameras. Wasn’t sure he was ready to address it yet, anyway. Was certain that Chowder understood anyway. “It’s a dead giveaway, man. I had an inkling at the dinner at the end of week one.”

Chowder threw his magazine at Dex, but it being a magazine, it didn’t have great aerodynamics and wasn’t very terrifying as a missile. Dex ignored it.

Instead, he asked: “So, what are you going to do about your crush? You want to do something about it, right?”

Chowder made a vague noise and they were quiet for a bit, until Chowder broke the companionable silence between them.

“I’ll do something about it if you do something about Nursey.”

Dex groaned. “You noticed too, huh?”

“Well, if you know what to look for, like I do, it’s not hard to spot,” Chowder laughed at Dex. “I get it though. Good looking dude, a teacher and with a personality like Nursey? Oh yes, I totally get it. But you got it bad, don’t you?”

Dex buried his head in his hands. “So, so bad, Chowder. Didn’t have it that bad for someone since college…”

Chowder was quiet for a moment. “Gym?” he finally asked, and Dex hadn’t remembered that they had a gym at the house until now, but it was exactly what he needed.

They were quiet for the most part, going through their own work outs. From what Dex remembered of Chowder’s usual work out during college, he was keeping it relatively light, but Dex wanted to feel the burn in his muscles. So when he was finally eyeing the treadmill, questioning whether he really wanted to run on it or not, Chowder was already on a yoga mat, doing something complicated that would probably leave Dex as a human pretzel if he attempted it.

Chowder grinned up at him. “Join me for a bit?” he asked and Dex figured, why not. The treadmill wasn’t all that tempting. So he got himself a mat too, toeing off his shoes.

Chowder, in the meantime, had untwisted himself. “Alright, let’s see how much you kept up with the yoga, shall we?” he asked, and Dex immediately questioned his decision to join Chowder.

However, as it turned out, Chowder didn’t push too hard and Dex  _ had _ kept up with yoga after college, so it went all rather well.

“I missed this,” Dex confessed as they cleaned their mats afterwards.  _ I missed you _ , he didn’t say, not yet, but Chowder seemed to get it anyway.

***

Parse @kparson

_ nice workout Dex and @chrischow55 are getting in there _

 

Tatertot @mashkov7

_ reply to @kparson _

_ but is your yoga as strong as theirs? _

 

Kent was just thinking about whether he had a picture of himself doing yoga and if yes, whether or not posting it would be too heavy handed, when his phone vibrated with a new text.

 

**Agent Anne:** Kent, remember what we talked about re: ambitious tweets?

 

Kent looked down at his phone a little guilty. He might’ve forgotten about the whole social media spiel his agent had given him. Several times. There had been power point involved. A different one each time. She scared him a little though, so he wasn’t about to tell her that.

 

**Kent:** yes ma’am

 

He did unearth a yoga pic of himself too, but he didn’t tweet it. Sent it to Mashkov via dm, though. 

 

Parse @kparson   
_ reply to @mashkov7 _

_ i think i could keep up. _

 

Mashkov’s reply was already waiting when he sent of the tweet:

 

Tatertot @mashkov7 – “not sharing yoga skills with everyone?”

 

Parse @kparson – “my agent just reminded me of my media training”

Parse @kparson – “i took that to mean i wasn’t supposed to post yoga pics”

Parse @kparson – “she’s got like a 6th sense for stuff like that”

 

Tatertot @mashkov7 – “))))”

Tatertot @mashkov7 – “or twitter notification for you?)))”

 

Kent couldn’t help but snort. Of course Anne had a twitter notification for him. She didn’t just follow all his social media, she had the password for all of them too, the better to react if he fucked up. (Again.)

He liked to think that he’d grown as a person since the clusterfuck that had been his draft day, but it hadn’t happened without some growing pains.

(A lot of growing pains, if he was being honest.)

 

Parse @kparson – “of course she’s got a notification for my tweets. she doesn’t trust me anymore.”

 

Tatertot @mashkov7 – “why not? what you do?”

 

Kent stared at his phone. Was Mashkov serious? In all fairness, the question shouldn’t be “What did you do?”, but “What didn’t you do?”, and a lot of it had been discussed publicly and exhaustively. It wasn’t possible for Mashkov to be ignorant about all of it. So why did he ask?

 

Parse @kparson – “i was a little stupid when i was younger”

Parse @kparson – “...maybe a lot stupid.”

 

There wasn’t anything “maybe” about the level of stupidity he’d had when he’d first been drafted. Being the number one draft pick, combined with the Jack situation and the expectations in Vegas had fucked with his head big time.

Big. Time.

The whole being closeted thing hadn’t exactly helped.

It had taken countless hours with his therapist to work through his issues. He still went as regularly as his schedule permitted to see her.

 

Tatertot @mashkov7 – “everyone little stupid when young, no?”

Tatertot @mashkov7 – “only bad if don’t learn”

***

“Alright, everybody. It’s group date time!” Shitty announced and Nursey wrinkled his nose. Group dates were rarely fun, mostly because he couldn’t avoid some of the other candidates. Hopefully he’d be at least able to stick with Dex, Chowder, Ransom and Holster, who lately seemed to be joined at the hips more often than not.

“Today’s group date is minigolf!” Shitty sounded proud about that. Nursey wasn’t so certain minigolf was a great idea, but nobody was ever asking him, where they?

Minigolf turned out to be okay. Ish. Of course everybody was weirdly competitive, but that wasn’t really surprising now, was it? He managed to get himself into the group with Dex and the others, although that too was a trip and a half: During the first part of the course, Holster was almost constantly singing and trying to talk Dex into joining him, an effort that was supported by Chowder and very firmly denied by Dex, who was trying to keep up a conversation with Ransom about the changing requirements for D-men in the NHL. When it became clear that Dex would not budge on his singing stance, Holster switched to sad, solemn songs.

None of them seemed to have any trouble at all keeping up with the golfing part of the day, except, surprisingly, Dex. All of them were grumbling about the length of the club, with the exception of Chowder, who criticised the balance of it instead. Even when he was talking to others, Dex seemed to know what Nursey was doing, steadying him once or twice on the elbow when he tripped over the divider around the courses, chirping him relentlessly about it. On the other hand, he also always complimented him on the better swings he managed, and Nursey gave as good as he got. 

Dex, it turned out, didn’t have any talent for mini golf at all. Well, maybe not no talent at all, but compared to all the others in their group, he wasn’t doing great. And while everybody else more or less got better towards the end, Dex’s numbers actually got worse in relation to the others and he started shaking out his right wrist more and more.

“You okay?” Nursey finally asked while they waited for the the group before them to finish at the next course.

“Yeah. It’s an old injury acting up, nothing to worry about,” Dex said, but his smile was a little tight. “Hey, you teach Literature, is that right?” Which was about as obvious a change of topic as it could get, but Nursey could take a broad hint when he wanted to, and went along with it easily.

As it turned out, Dex’s sister was an High school English teacher, and he and Dex had a delightful conversation about some of the books while they worked their way through the rest of the courses.

“You know your books,” Nursey said appreciatively while they gave their club back.

“No need to sound so surprised, man,” Dex answered. He made a face as he picked up one of the water bottles.

“Dude, that –” Nursey started, but Dex just shook his head at him and continued talking.

“We didn’t have a lot of money when I grew up, so I read my way through most of the local library,” Dex said. “I literally got a stack of books with me, you know that! Haven’t paid a lot of attention, huh?”

Of course, Nursey rose to the bait, knowing fully well he was doing it, but his heart wasn’t in it. Dex was obviously downplaying the extent to which his wrist was hurting.

On their way back to the cars, he backed out of the conversation. Ransom and Holster had joined them when Ransom had overheard Dex discussing J.K. Rowling’s ventures into crime fiction, which Nursey hadn’t read anyway.

He went to find Chowder instead, to talk to him about Dex’s wrist.


	6. Week 5

They decided to do another two on one date, ignoring the traditional scheme of the show.

They were getting a cooking class, with a master chef, and it started out – bad.

“Why the fuck should I learn to cook?” Brad asked and eyed the apron in apparent disgust. “I have staff to do that.”

Shitty eyed the knife block and hoped that Lardo’s nerves were better than his.

Sven, the other candidate, at least seemed cheerful and willing, right up until the chef explained what they were going to prepare.

“Absolutely not,” Sven said and Shitty went cold all over. 

“Who the fuck is responsible for this?” he demanded, quietly, so as not to be picked up by the cameras. Who the  _ fuck _ had thought it was a good idea to bring the vegan to the cooking class and then let the chef prepare  _ lamb _ . One of the assistants raised his hands, looking confused, just as Sven pulled off his apron.

“I’m out,” Sven said and left the kitchen. Understanding dawned on the assistant’s face and he hurried after Sven. Shitty sighed and sent his personal assistant after him to make sure he wouldn’t fuck up more, when he heard his name.

“Shitty,” Lardo said, knuckles white around the edge of the counter. “We’re short one person. You mind stepping in?”

Shitty didn’t mind at all. At least if he was in the kitchen, he was close to whatever shitshow was about to go down.

Unsurprisingly, Brad wasn’t particularly skilled with a knife. Rather surprisingly, Lardo knew exactly what she was doing, cutting her vegetables as fast and precise as the chef.

“I really like to cook,” she said when she noticed Shitty watching. “My mother taught me and now it’s my go to thing to get hockey out of my head, you know?”

Shitty did know. On the other side of the island, Brad mumbled something about “unnecessary skills”. They ignored him. Brad mumbled louder about how this was “beneath him”. Lardo brought her knife down with rather more force than absolutely necessary.

“Please don’t kill the candidates,” Shitty whispered and Lardo laughed a little.

“You know, I’m gonna give you the rose again,” she said and left to sautée her vegetables. Shitty stared after her, a little dumbfounded.

Well, then.

***

Nursey hadn’t, like, planned to listen in on Dex and Chowder. He’d just wanted to get away from the cameras a bit and all, so a trip to the camera free floor it was. Only, when he’d gotten to the sunroom, the two of them had been there, sitting close together, almost cuddling, talking just loud enough for it to be understandable for Nursey.

Nursey, for once in his life, had managed to stay quiet, not stumble over anything or drop his book or whatever else and they hadn’t noticed him.

So he’d been planning to just quietly slip out again.

But then something Dex said had caught his attention and he’d frozen on the spot, halfway behind a potted palm tree. A rather small one that wouldn’t do anything to conceal him, but he wasn’t here  _ spying _ , was he now? He’d just walked in on them, unsuspecting and everything – it sounded flat even to his own ears.

“I love you, Chowder,” Dex had said. And: “I’m sorry.” 

“I know,” Chowder answered and got a wet laugh from Dex for his effort. “And I understand. I understand now and I understood then, you know that, right?”

Nursey leaned around the palm tree to get a better look.

Chowder was basically sitting in Dex’s lap, hands framing Dex’s face, their heads bowed close to each other, foreheads almost touching. Nursey was almost certain that Dex was crying. He was, in any case, nodding.

“I know,” Dex answered and snuffled a little. “Still,” he said. “I just wish…” he trailed off and Nursey leaned over some more. He just wished  _ what _ ?

Chowder, on the other hand, seemed to understand just fine, because he just said: “Me too, Dex, me too.” 

Nursey rolled his eyes. Couldn’t they like, spell everything out for the listener behind the tree? 

But he really shouldn’t be listening in on this, he thought, so he was just slowly moving towards the door again, when Chowder kissed Dex.

And Dex kissed back. It was all very soft and sweet.

Nursey dropped his book in shock, because he was  _ certain _ that Dex had been flirting with him. Constantly.  But now here he was, kissing Chowder. Nursey wasn’t quite sure what to think. 

Both Dex and Chowder looked up at him at the sound of the book hitting the floor. Dex sighed and looked resigned, but Chowder smiled.

“Want me to stay?” he asked, but Dex shook his head.

“A quick word, Derek?” Dex called softly.

Nursey felt his feet move before he consciously thought about it. Dex hadn’t ever called him Derek. Chowder gestured for him to take the seat he’d just vacated, and Nursey dropped down.

Up close he could see that there were indeed tears caught in Dex’s eyelashes and something twisted in his chest. Chowder shot him a hard look and left, letting his fingers trail across the nape of Dex’s neck and over his shoulder.

And then his steps faded away and Dex and Nursey were alone. Dex looked up at Nursey from where he was hunched over, his mouth twisted a little, eyes still wet. He looked vulnerable, and uncomfortable and Nursey just wanted to reach out and smooth out those lines on Dex’s face, comfort him. But he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to. If this was something Dex wanted. Had wanted at any point.

“How long were you there?” Dex asked and Nursey twisted a little uncomfortably in his seat.

“Since, uh, you told Chowder that you love him?” It came out as a question. It was a question, kind of. Several questions, if Nursey was truthful with himself.  _ Do you love him? What does it mean? Did you really flirt with me or did I just imagine that? _

But he wasn’t in a position to ask these questions, so he didn’t. Dex seemed to get at least part of it anyway.

“Chowder and I were together for a long part of college,” he said and then stopped talking again.

“You were?” Nursey got out, despite the thoughts in his head, all falling over each other, all telling him a variation of “see, he wasn’t really flirting”.

Dex nodded and visibly collected himself. “Let me finish before you say anything?” he requested. Only when Nursey nodded did he continue. “It was… it was good. But Chowder was drafted, to the Sharks no less, and I… it was clear that I wouldn’t ever play pro and I... “ Dex took a breath. “If you’d ask Chowder, he’d say it was a mutual decision to split up, but really it was me. Mostly me, at least. Anyway, we stayed friends? The last couple of weeks of college at least, and then we pretty quickly lost contact and I… had to deal with some stuff. Chowder knew that, I think. And then I was too afraid to see if I could still reach out, so…” 

Dex had dropped his gaze while talking, fiddling with the brace around his wrist, but now he looked back up. “It was easy falling back into old patterns with him, and I still love him, gods help me, I do, but… I wasn’t flirting with you for sports. I was – I am – I have a crush on you. I’d love to find out if we... if we could be something. If you’re interested, I mean.”

Nursey was quiet for a bit, trying to sort through all the information. “I… what about Chowder?” he finally brought himself to ask.

Dex looked at him, intense, with a face Nursey couldn’t quite read. Searching. For what? “He… Well, he’s my ex, obviously. I’m kinda hoping we’re gonna stay in contact this time around. He means a lot to me, obviously, but also he’d be a friend. Nothing more. Unless–“ Dex hesitated a little. “Unless you’d be okay with us being more than friends.”

And wasn’t that an interesting thing to hear? Nursey was certain that his face showed the surprise he felt.

“Like, a vee? Or…” He wondered if he should bring it up or not, but go big or go home right? “Or more like a triad? You.. you got experience with that or are you just throwing this around?” He couldn’t help but ask and the question was out before he could stop himself, but Dex just shot him a small smile and didn’t seem offended at all.

“I haven’t actually talked it all the way through with Chowder, but yeah. He was dating this girl for… almost a year, I think, while we were together. She moved away and the relationship didn’t survive the long distance. Which,” there was the hard twist to the corners of Dex’s mouth again, “not exactly helpful when our graduation loomed.”

This time, Nursey allowed himself to reach out, smooth his thumb across the lines. He cradled Dex’s face in his hands and said: “Okay.” One of his thumbs was still softly pressing into the soft skin next to the corner of Dex’s mouth, but the other one was stroking over the freckles on Dex’s cheekbone. 

Dex’s eyes went soft, relaxed. “Okay?” he echoed.

“Yeah,” Nursey said. “We’ll give it a try.”

He leaned in to kiss the small smile off of Dex’s face, slow and methodical, and Dex met him halfway.

***

Kent stared at his TV.

The TV was still showing the kitchen of the Bachelorette Haus. And in the kitchen, Dex, who had offered Lardo to drop out, because he had a crush on another contestant. 

Dex had just put some apple pie into the oven. And then Nursey, who’d been watching him, had made some stupid, flirty comment, and Dex had laughed, walked over to where Nursey was sitting and pulled him up into a kiss.

A deep, purposeful kiss that was enthusiastically answered by Nursey, from the looks of it.

Parse @kparson

_ I want that too... #NurseyDex (and I don’t mean the pie) (although i would also take some of that pie) _

 

He should probably call his agent. Or something. But he couldn’t quite get himself to stop staring at his phone. Wondered, for a bit, if it was too late to delete the tweet. Considering the number of likes and retweets that grew in bursts, but very quickly, it was way too late. 

He was concentrating on breathing when his eye caught a reply to his tweet.

Mashkov’s reply.

 

Tatertot @mashkov7

_ reply to @kparson _

_ you know, gay #bachelor isn’t new thing _

 

Tatertot @mashkov7

_ reply to @mashkov7 and @kparson _

_ maybe you can do that after next season _

 

Kent breathed a little easier, and he had just closed twitter, when a notification for a new dm popped open.

Tatertot @mashkov7 – “if you do the bachelor, i am volunteering as contestant.”

Tatertot @mashkov7 – “but not happily, because i do not want to be only one of 22”

Kent didn’t quite know what to say to that, so he called his agent instead.

“Kent, what –”

“I just came out on twitter,” Kent rushed out and the line was quiet for a moment.

“On purpose?” Anne finally asked. Kent supposed it was a fair question.

“Yes,” he said. “Sorry I didn’t tell you beforehand.”

“Just promise me you won’t walk back on that tomorrow or the day after or something,” Anne answered and Kent could hear her typing in the background.

“I’m sending you my contingency file just now via email, can you access it right now?”

So Kent got his laptop and talked everything through with Anne, twitter open in one of the tabs, taunting him.

“Hey Anne,” he asked, when they were finally wrapping things up. “How much would you hate me if I started a thing with another player?”

Anne sighed heavily. “Depends on both the player and his agent, but probably not that much? Do what you must, Kent, as long as it makes you happy. There’s a lot of things I can sort out for you. Just… give me an earlier heads up, will you?”

“Thank you, Anne,” Kent said and wiped away a tear. “I’ll keep you updated.”

He opened twitter, ignoring the countless notifications he had, instead concentrating on the messenger alone.

_ “if you do the bachelor, i am volunteering as contestant” – “but not happily, because i do not want to be only one of 22” _

Kent hesitated a little.

Parse @kparson – “if you were one of the contestants, the show would be over pretty quick”

Parse @kparson – “because I would only ever give you all the roses”

***

Chowder found Nursey the day after and all but towed him to the sunroom.

“Are you going to give me the shovel talk?” he asked, as calm as possible. It wasn’t his calmest, admittedly, but Chowder had his game face on and was more than a little terrifying, thank you very much.

“Only partly a shovel talk,” Chowder answered and gestured for Nursey to sit down. 

Nursey sat. 

“I know you’re a good dude, Nursey, but make no mistake, if you hurt Dex on purpose, I am going to end you. And I got back up from Ransom and Holster, at the very least. I think they might come and give you the talk as well, as a matter of fact.”

Nursey nodded, because that felt like the safest option.

“Alright, what I really wanted to talk to you about was something else.” Chowder said.

“Shouldn’t a relationship negotiation include Dex as well?” Nursey asked and Chowder beamed at him. Apparently Nursey had gotten that one right.

“Yes, yes it should. But that’s not why I’m here. I want to check in with you if the whole deal really is cool with you.”

Nursey shrugged. “Theoretically, yeah, sure. I don’t have, like, practical experience, so I can’t really say for certain, no?”

Chowder smiled at him. “Good answer. There’s something else I wanted to talk about today though. About Dex’s wrist.”

“It’s pretty bad, isn’t it?”

“Worse, really. So you know Dex and I played together in college, right? And that Dex was really, really good?” 

Nursey nodded. Playing Samwell had always been a pain in the ass.

“He was supposed to be signed after, like me. He had several offers, but the important one for him was from the Bruins. They were basically talking contract details already, that’s how serious it was.”

Nursey sucked in a sharp breath. If it had been that serious – Chowder noticed his reaction.

“Yeah. It was the last game before the playoffs, against Yale.. The outcome didn’t even change anything, and we all knew that beforehand anyway. But one of their d-men was a little frustrated. Took it out with semi-legal hits. And by using his stick as a club. Shattered Dex’s wrist.”

Nursey closed his eyes. “No more hockey.”

“No more hockey,” Chowder agreed, solemn. “All of Dex’s plans for the future…” He trailed off.

“Gone,” Nursey whispered, a heavy weight in his chest. A split second, changing everything.

They sat together in silence for a long while, while Nursey collected his thoughts. “He said you fell out of touch, but he didn’t really explain. Did Vicky keep you up to date?”

“I got the broad strokes from her, yes. Wasn’t about to ask Dex to keep in touch, was I?” Chowder gave him a sharp grin and Nursey nodded. 

Was quiet for a bit.

“So what about you?” he finally asked. “What did you major in?”


	7. Week 6

Bad Bob @bzimmermann

_ brave step from kent parson today. he’s a good player and a better person. he has the support of the whole zimmermann family! _

***

“Alright,” Holster said and pressed his leg more against Ransom’s. They decided to do this in the kitchen, so this is all he could do at the moment, with the cameras around. “How do we set up Chowder and Farmer?”

“Dex,” Ransom took over, “you know Chowder best. Ideas?”

Dex dragged his finger along the edge of his water glass. His other arm was slung around Nursey’s waist. “Well. Chowder is a guy for romantic gestures. That a thing Caitlin is okay with?”

Lardo nodded. “She’ll get a little embarrassed about it, but yeah, she’d be okay with a romantic gesture, I think.”

“But we can’t exactly plan a romantic gesture for Chowder, can we?” Nursey said, and of course he was right. 

“We could set everything up so that he just like, needed to sweep in?” Shitty offered. They all considered it.

“Like, I don’t know, something she’s afraid of and he can swoop in and save her from … whatever. Snakes? Spiders?” Holster was thinking out loud, but even as he said it, he figured it wasn’t the best idea.

Lardo vetoed the whole thing: “Yeah, no. I don’t know how she feels about spiders, but she’s absolutely terrified of snakes. No way we’re doing something like that. What about an activity where we’ll have to pair off? Work together, the whole shebang.” 

“Huh, I like that,” Dex said and Ransom nodded.

“We could probably organize a scavenger hunt,” Shitty offered. “Or maybe some sort of trivia evening? Board games?”

“Oh, a game evening sounds fun,” Nursey said.

“I wonder if we could combine a scavenger hunt with a board game evening,” Ransom said, and Holster would give that some thought, but all his attention went to not let it show that Ransom was, very slowly, dragging his fingers along Holster’s thigh.

***

Las Vegas Aces @vegasaces

_ Ladies and Gentlemen, our Captain: Mister Kent Parson! We stand behind you, Kent. _

***   


In the end, they didn’t come up with a way to combine the board games with a scavenger hunt, so they went with a regular board game evening. Or something.

They’d all paired off easily - as per the plan, Lardo had asked Chowder to team up; Nursey had laid claim on Dex by clinging to him and not letting go whenever somebody came by, no matter who. Dex had grumbled about it, but he’d also intertwined his fingers with Nursey’s, thumb drawing circles into the back of Nursey’s hand, so Nursey figured he was good. Ransom and Holster had gone around talking about how they’d easily defeat everyone else from the second the game evening had been announced at breakfast, effectively preventing any and all potential attempts of someone trying to team up with either of them. Jack had asked Bitty if he wanted to pair up. (Bitty had blushed and said yes.) Daniel and Henrik had either teamed up by necessity or for fun, Nursey wasn’t sure. They seemed to get along great, but on the other hand, they were the only candidates left that were like, legit candidates. Nursey wondered if they were aware of that and figured that they kind of had to be.

Then, all according to plan, Caitlin and Ford joined them. Ford had, as planned, brought someone along to give an excuse for the shuffling of partners. Nursey had left Dex behind to get himself a new book and was just crossing the entrance hall as they walked in. 

Ford had her arm around a tall, stylish white woman in high waisted jeans and a dark blue blouse. She had long, blonde hair, braided to a plait that lay over one shoulder, falling onto her breast. She looked vaguely familiar to Nursey, like they ran into each other at the coffeeshop sometimes.

“Nursey!” Ford called out. “Meet Vicky!”

So Nursey met Vicky. She had a smattering of freckles on her cheekbones and a missing tooth that showed up when she grinned. Her name sounded familiar as well, but Nursey still couldn’t pin her down.

“No, we haven’t met yet,” she said, the corners of her eyes crinkling, when Nursey asked. Ford was obviously biting off a giggle and Nursey felt like he wasn’t in on a joke.

“What am I missing?” he asked Caitlin, who shrugged and said she had no idea.

Nursey let the book be and accompanied the women back to the living room.

“Look who’s here!” he announced, and everyone looked up.

Both Dex and Chowder sprang up.

“Vicky!” Chowder exclaimed and caught Vicky, who had thrown herself into his arms.

“Chowder, what’s good? Man, I missed seeing you in person,” Vicky said when they finally let go of each other.

“I missed you too,” Chowder said, and then Dex found his words again.

“Vicky, what are you doing here?”

“Oh brother, dear, I’m Ford’s plus one. Remember, the hockey player to whom you gave my number without warning?” Vicky smirked and ruffled Dex’s hair. Nursey collected his jaw from where it had dropped. 

“Well, I am still on electronics lock down, remember?”

“I do, little brother, I do. I’m also very happy you made that introduction,” Vicky answered and turned to Chowder. “So, Chris, how is Sharkie doing?”

Chowder launched into an explanation about his cat. Dex looked confused.

“You stayed in contact?”

Vicky patted his forearm. “Yes Dex, we did. Would have told you too, but you never asked, you know?”

“I… I see,” Dex said, looking a little defeated. Nursey pulled him into a hug, and Dex leaned heavy against him. He buried his nose into Dex’s hair, and pressed a kiss in it.

“I like your sister,” he said and Dex huffed, but it sounded more amused than anything else.

***

Sebastien St. Martin @saintmartin

_ proud of my old teammate, Kent Parson. got your back man! _

***

“That’s it, games are banned forever on this show,” Shitty announced.

Everywhere he looked, there was whipped cream and confetti. He was fairly certain that the underwear that was hanging from the floor lamp meant that someone was going without.

Everyone had stopped dead in their tracks when he’d shouted, frozen on the spot. Caitlin and Chowder were still bound together from their three legged race, but they didn’t seem too perturbed by it. Lardo and Vicky were currently holding down Ford, drawing on her with the body pens. Henrik and Bitty were arguing about Beyoncé, Jack and Daniel next to them with confused faces. All of them had whipped cream in their hair and on their clothes. Dex at least had the decency to look embarrassed, holding the can of spray cream ready to spray everyone close to him — as was Ransom, who was holding a water gun. 

Holster and Nursey didn’t even stop spraying whipped cream and water at each other. Shitty wasn’t sure if that was because they hadn’t heard him or because they didn’t care.

“Y’all are going to help with the clean up, you know?” he said, and tried to ignore the stains on the beige couch that looked suspiciously like the red wine they had opened earlier.

***

John Lindqvist @lindqvist48

_ Parser, you FINDASWEARTHATONEMIGHTTWEET, love ya. _

***

Kent woke up to his doorbell ringing quite insistently. He rolled over to bury his face in the pillow, but only managed to smash his nose into his phone.

“Ouch,” he said and decided he might as well get up and see who was at the door. He was hoping it wouldn’t be the press, but one never knew, so he put a pair of sweatpants, to go with the t-shirt he slept in, and grabbed a cap on his way to the door.

The doorbell rang again.

Then someone knocked on his door. “Come on man, let me in. I’ve brought breakfast!” That was Swoops’ voice. Kent relaxed a little, but took a look through the spyhole to make certain it was only Swoops anyway.

He opened the door just as Swoops was raising his hand again.

“Hi Swoops,” he said, as casually as possible. “What’s up?”

“You came out on twitter without telling anyone beforehand is what’s up,” Swoops said and pushed past Kent into the condo and into the kitchen. True to word, he had two cups of coffee and a bag from the bakery Kent loved in his hands, which he set down on the kitchen counter.

Kent closed his door and trailed after him, not quite sure what do, a question Swoops solved by pulling Kent into a bone crushing hug.

“You know we’re all here for you, right?” Swoops said and Kent returned the hug, feeling like he could properly breathe again despite the strong arms holding him tight. “Some warning would’ve been nice though. The boys are scrambling to put something together, you know?”

Kent started crying.


	8. Week 7

“I need to turn it back on, don’t I?” Kent asked, and Swoops nodded.

“Want us to go through some of the messages?” Tyler offered and Kent refused as he thought of some of the people who might write him after publicly coming out. Some of them would for certain be closeted players themselves, and while Kent trusted they guys at his condo without question, that didn’t mean he could just out people to them.

“Alright, let’s do this,” he said, and turned his phone back on. Unsurprisingly, it started vibrating almost immediately after booting up. He left it on the couch table and went to get some more coffee.

“Anyone else want some more coffee?” he asked, an offer several of the others took him up on.

Swoops joined him in the kitchen, ostensibly to help with the coffee. Even though everyone knew that Swoops was awful with Kent’s coffee maker, no one said anything. Kent figured that meant it was Swoops’ turn to check in on him.

True to form, as soon as Kent was fiddling with the machine and thus couldn’t flee, Swoops asked: “How are you holding up?” 

Kent shrugged. “Surprisingly well. The support is nice. Feels a little fake, you know? I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but so far… nothing. Know what I mean?”

“Yeah, I do,” Swoops said. “You know we got your back, the organization has got your back, hell, at least half the league seems to have your back.”

Kent nodded and kept his attention on the coffee maker. He could feel himself tearing up again, which was much easier dealt with when he didn’t have to look at Swoops. But it was Swoops, so of course that didn’t help much. 

“You’re allowed to be emotional about this, Kent,” he said and pulled Kent into a hug. Kent went willingly.

“Oh hey, group hug!” Tyler suddenly exclaimed and wrapped himself around Kent’s back. Tyler had turned up only minutes after Swoops, had taken one look at Kent’s tear stained face and had wrapped him into a bone crushing hug. He hadn’t left Kent’s side very long since. 

Kent felt a little overwhelmed by of it, but it was also really nice being engulfed by his teammates, so he just held onto Swoops some more, Tyler’s warmth along his back. 

“Why are we having a group hug?”

“Was just a normal hug, until you decided to join,” Kent mumbled and Swoops and Tyler laughed.

“Emotional support,” Swoops said and Kent felt Tyler nod.

“What is going on?” That was a tinny voice from behind Swoops. “Tyler?”

“Tyler?” Kent echoed. “You’re on the phone with someone?”

“Oh, yes!” Tyler pulled back from Kent, just a little. “Alexei – Mashkov called me, wanted to talk to you. I figured he might be the Falconers’ official guy to get in contact, you know, what with him being the A and such?” He offered Kent the phone and Kent took it, not letting go of Swoops.

“Mashkov?” he asked the phone.

“Kenya!” Mashkov sounded way too excited. “You okay? Worried little when I could not reach you. But figured you have phone off, so call Tyler. And now we talk!”

Kent teared up yet again. “Thanks for checking in. I’m… good, I think,” he said, a little cautious. He was well aware that his voice would probably betray his tears, but whatever. “Half the team is camped out in my condo. It’s a little crowded, but also … nice.” His voice broke a little on the last word.

The line was quiet for a minute. “Kenya, are you crying?”

Kent sniffled a little and pressed closer to Swoops. “No?”

“That was very obvious lie,” Mashkov answered. “But you have friends with you?”

Kent nodded before he remembered that Mashkov couldn’t see him, and answered the question with words.

“Fuck!” At Tyler’s exclamation, Kent let go of Swoops, swirling around: Tyler was trying to work the coffee maker, but with little success.

“Mashkov,” he started, but Mashkov interrupted him: “Tyler break things, yeah? Go and fix. And Kenya - call me Alexei?”

“I - yeah. I’ll call you back, Alexei, okay?”

***

“Hey Justin,” Holster said, and Justin grumbled a little beneath him. “Are we going to do something about Eric and Jack?”

Justin sighed. “Eric and Jack? I thought they got their shit together. They still not together or whatever?”

“No,” Holster said, “not as far as I know. Are we going to do something about it?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. We could at least talk to Dex and Nursey about it, I guess. But do we have to talk about it now? We only got another hour or so before we have that date with Lardo and I kind of had other plans for the time…” Justin trailed off and cupped Holster’s ass in his hands. Holster laughed and bit down on Justin’s collarbone. He did indeed know what Justin meant and he was very much in favour.

A little more than an hour later found them freshly showered in an art studio with Lardo, Jack and Bitty. There were a couple of easels around, all facing a tv.

“So, we’re going to art today?” Holster asked as they all shrugged into coats.

Shitty, who suddenly turned up behind him, answered him: “Yes. Bob Ross painting. Are y’all ready?”

“Are you going to join us?” Lardo asked. “I know this is something you wanted to do.”

Shitty looked a little surprised. “I mean, if nobody minds, sure.”

No one minded.

***

“You have golf course on property, why I am not surprised?”

At the sound of the voice from behind him, Kent very nearly dropped his glass in surprise, which – he was on the 35th floor, leaning on the terrace railing. Dropping his glass would not be good.

“Good god, why are you –” he turned around and stopped in surprise. In the door to the terrace stood “– Alexei. Why – I mean, what are you doing here?”

Alexei smiled and stepped closer to Kent. He looked like he just travelled across half the country on short notice, but he was smiling down at Kent, warm and open. Kent felt a little dizzy.

“Sorry. Do not want to startle you. But am here to check on you, sounded little overwhelmed on phone. Tyler let me in. Is okay?”

Kent nodded.

“Is very brave thing, to come out,” Alexei continued. “Those that do deserve many hugs, no?” He opened his arms invitingly, and Kent stepped into them almost without conscious thought, wrapping his arms around Alexei. Alexei held him tight.

“Very brave, Kent Parson,” Alexei mumbled and – pressed a kiss into Kent’s hair? No, Kent decided, he probably didn’t. Still, it was nice, just standing there, hugging Alexei, Kent’s face pressed into a rather muscular chest. Even if it was kinda awkward still holding on to his glass.

Alexei’s eau de parfum was nice, Kent decided. Rather intense when freshly applied probably, because it was still clinging strongly on him after several hours of travel, but Kent liked it.

They finally let go of each other when Swoops stepped out through the terrace doors.

“Hey Kent, do you want– uh, hi?”

Kent stepped back from Alexei, and dragged his hand through his hair and Alexei turned around and offered Swoops his hand.

“Hi, uh, Mashkov,” Swoops said and shook the offered hand. His eyebrows very nearly vanished in his hairline.“Nice of you to stop, uh, by?” It sounded like a question. Swoops looked from Alexei from Kent, who stuck out his tongue at him.

“Kent is friend. He sounded upset. I think I should check in, yes. Needs his friends by his side, no?” Alexei said and Swoops nodded.

***

They were alone in the art studio afterwards. Bitty had said something about a pie and ingredients and Jack had followed him, unsurprisingly. Daniel and Henrik had left quietly with them. Shitty and Lardo had left while discussing something about the paint, the crew following them.

Holster and Ransom had stayed behind in the light-flooded room without having planned so. It had just happened. Now, they were leaning against each other, looking at their canvases, Ransom’s head on Holster’s shoulder, arms around each other’s backs.

“This turned out surprisingly well,” Holster said. He felt Ransom nod against his shoulder. “You okay?” Holster asked. “You’ve been quiet lately.”

Ransom sighed.

“Please don’t take this the wrong way,” he said, and Holster turned to look at him in surprise. “I– I think I want to leave the show. With, with you that is.” Ransom hesitated a little. “I’ve been thinking about it for a little while, and I– being here, with you, it feels… Unreal, somehow. Like a dream. And when I– when we leave the show, it will, like, vanish. Know what I mean? So I put this off a little, but uhm. Do you maybe want to leave the show with me and find out if this–” he made an all encompassing gesture “– is more than a dream?”

He looked up at Holster, who couldn’t help but smile. “It would be an honour,” he said. “You wanna go tell Lardo and come up with a plan?”

Ransom nodded, relief etched on his face. Holster kissed him, soft and sweet, just to remind him that he needn’t be.

***

“I don’t know why I’m surprised,” Swoops said when he found them in front of the TV. Most of the guys had left for the night, after Kent and Alexei had announced that they planned to watch the newest episode of the Bachelorette together. The only ones left were Swoops, Tyler and Erik and Nico.

“Y'know you're all welcome to stay,” Kent said, but Swoops begged off, following Nico and Eric through the door. Tyler, however, lingered. He looked a little uncertain, but determined as he signaled Swoops to go ahead without him with a nod of his head.

“I… I would like to stay, if that’s okay?” he asked.

Kent made an all encompassing gesture. “Sure. Take a seat, make yourself comfortable.”

When The Bachelorette started, Kent was sitting in the corner of his sectional, Alexei close by on the shorter side, with Kent’s legs lying across Alexei’s. Tyler was lying on the longer side, his feet pressing against Kent’s thigh, twitching nervously on occasion.

When on the screen, Dex kissed Nursey, just a quick peck as they were reading together, waiting for the artists to come back, Alexei tangled his fingers with Kent’s. He smiled, warm and open, when Kent looked up at him. Kent smiled back.

Tyler twitched some more against Kent’s thigh, enough that Kent felt compelled to put his hand around one of Tyler’s ankle.

“You okay there, buddy?” he asked and Tyler shrugged, mumbled something.

“Tyler?” Kent turned around a little to face him, and strengthened his grip on Tyler’s ankle. “What’s up?” Next to him, he felt Alexei straighten too. 

Tyler blushed. “I… I want what they have,” he said and nodded to the screen where Nursey was currently lying half on Dex, fast asleep, Dex still reading his book. 

Kent … felt slightly surprised. 

Tyler continued, a little haltingly: “I… I never knew if I… if I could have it. I… I thought maybe I needed to – to make a choice. Between hockey and… and a boyfriend.” He stopped and looked at Kent. “Now… now I’m thinking that maybe I don’t need to.”

Kent tugged on Tyler’s ankle. “Want a hug, Ty?”

Tyler nodded and crawled into Kent’s arm, snuggling against his side. Kent buried the hand that wasn’t held by Alexei in Tyler’s soft curls, softly carding his fingers along the hairline. Alexei cleared his throat.

“So everyone here some kind of variation of queer, yes?” he said and Kent giggled a little. He felt Tyler smiled into his neck.

“Duh,” Tyler said. “Hey hold on, you and…?”

Alexei’s voice sounded dry, when he answered. “You really think I fly across half country for anyone?”

“Oh,” was all Tyler said, while Kent processed the fact that Kent and Alexei had been out to each other. When he looked up at Alexei, Alexei was already smiling softly at him, his thumb stroking over Kent’s wrist.

They watched the rest of the episode in one big pile.


	9. Week 8

“Traitor,” Kent said when he walked into the living room the next morning. Kitt purred louder and even inched a little closer to Alexei.

 

“Who’s a traitor?” Tyler asked from where he was leaning in the doorframe to the master bedroom. He was only wearing boxer shorts, showing off the tattoos that were curling around his chest and upper arms. After the previous evening, none of them had wanted to be alone, so they’d all ended up in Kent’s bed. Since Tyler hadn’t exactly planned to stay over, he didn’t have any sleep clothes. Hence only the boxers. 

 

(Kent wasn’t sure if he was happy that Tyler had refused to take one of Kent’s shirts or not. Tyler in just his boxers was distracting, but simply the thought of Tyler in one of Kent’s shirts made his stomach swoop. Tyler wasn’t quite as big as Alexei, but Kent’s shirts would probably still be tight around his shoulders, ride high on his waist… Kent very deliberately stopped thinking about it.)

 

Alexei was at least wearing a t-shirt, even if it was sporting the Falconers logo in pride colours. 

“Kitt?” Tyler continued and walked over to the couch, sitting down next to Alexei. He reached over and petted Kitt. “Kitt simply knows who’s good, doesn’t she?” Tyler added in a sweet voice.

Kent sighed and turned towards the kitchen. “I need coffee to deal with this,” he said. Tyler continued to baby talk to Kitt. Alexei was chuckling about it.

Kent wondered what he’d done to deserve this.

***

“Ford!” Lardo exclaimed and threw herself into Ford’s arms. “Fucking finally. I need some time away from the Haus and all the people, please tell me your plans are to kidnap me somewhere.”

Ford and Farmer laughed, but they also hugged Lardo just as fiercely as she hugged them, so she wasn’t too upset about it. They took her out for some ice time, accompanied by Chowder and Dex – ostensibly because Ford said Vicky had put her up to inviting Dex and Farmer wanted to train with Chowder. Who, Farmer said, winking at Lardo, was an NHL goalie and would probably appreciate the ice time. (He did.)

They threw out a more generalised invitation to everyone else as well, but no one else seemed really interested. Jack looked as if he was considering it for a minute, and Nursey did as well, but in the end they both said no.

Lardo wasn’t even sure how, but Ford and Farmer had somehow acquired fitting pads for all of them and they were suited up in no time.

Lardo was the last of the women to leave the locker room, and when she walked over to the rink, she saw that Ford was already doing her warm up thing with Vicky, whom they had invited to make it even – and also because Ford was absolutely smitten. Chowder and Farmer were warming up too. To Lardo it looked way too much like gymnastics, but what did she know.

She didn’t even consciously realize that Dex wasn’t on the ice yet until she walked past him: All decked out, he was standing to the side, watching the others on the ice, stone faced.

“Hey, Dex,” she said. “You okay?”

At her words, he seemed to shake himself out of wherever he’d been and smiled, just a little.

“Yeah, it’s just… it’s been awhile, you know? I didn’t… Let’s go.” He stalked over to the rink before she could react.

***

Henrik was seriously questioning his continued presence on The Bachelorette. Everyone and their grandma knew by now that Lardo wasn’t seriously interested in any of the candidates. She wasn’t even casually interested in any of them. Still, it was a nice hiatus. 

(As long as no board games were involved.) 

And he liked the people here. So Henrik was still a candidate on The Bachelorette in week 8, with only seven candidates left, and he was well used to whatever anyone could come up with.

Or so he thought.

“Yo, Henrik, Daniel!” Henrik looked up at Derek’s words. He seemed rather … hyper.

“Uh-oh,” Daniel said, and Henrik snorted. Derek dropped down next to them.

“Do you need to be entertained?” Henrik couldn’t help but ask, but Derek either didn’t hear him or ignored him.

“We need to set up Eric and Jack!” Derek exclaimed and Henrik sighed, exchanging a long suffering look with Daniel. Uh-oh, indeed.

***

Kent leaned against his counter, waiting for the coffee machine to finish spluttering out the coffee. From the living room came the soft voices of Alexei and Tyler, just loud enough for Kent to hear their voices, but not loud enough to understand what they were talking about. It felt surprisingly settled and domestic.

It would be really easy to get used to.

“Kenya?”

Alexei was standing next to him, and Kent had been so deep in his thoughts that he hadn’t even heard him coming in.

“Hi Alexei. What’s up?”

“I’m think we need talk,” Alexei said. “About us. And Tyler, maybe.”

“Yeah, we do.” Kent drummed his fingers on the counter and didn’t look at Alexei, kept his eyes on the floor instead. Alexei’s feet shuffled closer.

“Okay, I start.” Kent didn’t look up to check whether Alexei’s eyes mirrored the warmth in his voice. They probably did though. “Last couple days were good, no?”

Kent nodded.

“I came here because I think ‘beautiful man with beautiful hockey is flirting with me, maybe interested in trying relationship. Come here to see, and I think yes. But also there is other beautiful guy. Living closer. Might have better chances?”

Kent looked up rather abruptly.

“What? No!”

Alexei’s exes were, impossibly, even warmer than his voice.

“Want try relationship with you, Kent Parson. Think you want try too, yes?” 

Alexei looked at him, patiently, until Kent found his voice again.

“Yes, I want that.”

Alexei stepped right into Kent’s personal space, lifting one hand to cradle Kent’s face, the other on Kent’s hip. Kissing him would probably be nice, Kent thought, but also – he threw his arms around Alexei’s waist and buried his nose right under Alexei’s collarbone. 

***

Henrik sighed.

Daniel next to him, looked equally, uh, tired.

It had taken them three hours to come up with a plan that wasn’t either absolutely ridiculous or dangerous; talk Derek out of all the ridiculous and/ or dangerous plans he’d come up with; get the essentials for their plan; talk Derek out of yet another ridiculous and dangerous plan (that probably would’ve ended with the house burned down) and get everything set up without Bitty noticing. (They would’ve been okay with Jack noticing, but alas, it didn’t seem as if the guy noticed much of anything that wasn’t related to his interests.)

Just then, Derek hustled Jack out the door. Henrik and Daniel pounced.

They sat Jack down on the steps down to the garden. 

Jack looked slightly confused.

“Jack Zimmermann,” Derek started, in what was probably supposed to be a solemn voice, but wouldn’t make it there even if it had support from a gothic church and everyone wearing robes.

Henrik and Daniel exchanged a tired look, and Daniel wrestled Derek into a headlock. He went with a yelp, but he got the memo and stayed otherwise quiet.

Jack looked even more confused.

“Look, Jack,” Henrik said. “We know you’ve got a thing for Eric and we’re wondering why you haven’t done anything about it yet.”

“Because I am not here for Bittle, I am here for Larissa,” Jack said, as if he was stating something obvious. Henrik took a deep breath.

“Please tell me you know what’s been going on the last few weeks, Jack,” he said, and Daniel and Derek abruptly straightened up.

“We… spent time with each other and Larissa, because we are on The Bachelorette and Larissa is going to choose one of us as her, uh, beau?”

“Oh no,” Daniel breathed. Derek looked aghast and seemed to at last have lost his words.

“Jack,” Henrik said, as gently as he could, “I don’t think anyone’s been seriously vying for Larissa’s attention  _ in weeks _ . She isn’t all that interested in anyone. She gave Dex and Nursey permission to go out, like, basically from the start. She basically set up Chowder and Farmer.”

“Oh,” Jack said.

“I think she really likes Shitty though,” Derek interjected. Daniel swatted at him.

Jack looked thoughtful. “So what do I do?”

Henrik held up the bags with baking supplies. “Good news, Zimmermann. We got a plan.”

They explained the plan, and sent Jack on his way to Eric.

Then they sat on Derek.

“We’re not going to spy on them,” Henrik said, stilling Derek’s leg with his foot. “Just relax until your boy comes back.”

***

Ice time was surprisingly productive, considering two of their training partners were amateurs. Lardo wasn’t sure how much they played – Vicky talked at length about her rec league team which apparently had twice weekly practises, but Dex didn’t talk at all.

Well, that wasn’t quite right. He was communicating with the others on the ice just fine, but he didn’t talk about his current playing situation at all when the topic came up. None of them pressed the point – Chowder probably knew, and Vicky of course, and Lardo figured that Ford might have an idea, anyway.

Instead, she asked about where he was playing afterward, once Dex and Chowder had left them to a Ladies Night – well, late afternoon.

“He isn’t playing,” Vicky answered. That was surprising, given the way Dex had played. Sure, it hadn’t been the easy, practice movement of Lardo, Chowder, Ford and Farmer, but it also hadn’t looked like Dex wasn’t playing at all.

“At all?” Lardo couldn’t help but ask. She’d thought he was playing, mainly because of how and from what he’d told about his college playing, it hadn’t sound like something he wanted to stop doing.

Vicky shrugged. “I think he goes and gets some ice time by himself occasionally, but he doesn’t have a team or anything.” She was quiet for a bit, before continuing softly, telling the others about how Dex’s career had been ended in college by a slash on the wrist in one of his last games. 

“He broke Dex’s wrist bad enough that “broke” doesn’t even quite fit,” she said, matter of factly. 

Lardo sucked in a sharp breath, her feelings – horror, mostly, and sympathy for Dex – mirrored on Ford’s and Farmer’s faces. Vicky nodded. “It’s… let’s say  _ functional _ , but you know. Hockey’s not possible anymore, at least not very seriously.”

They were quiet for a bit, letting that sink in. Lardo knew she was lucky to be able to play hockey professionally, to  _ live _ from playing hockey professionally, and comfortably so. But hearing about career ending injuries, especially ones that ended a career before it began, always were a pretty harsh reminder of the fact that what she had could be gone so, so quickly.

Just then, the waitress brought over their cakes and they dropped the topic. Nothing good came from thinking too much about stuff like that. It had a way of getting stuck in one’s head, bleeding over into the play. So they’d all learned to stop mulling over injuries, both their own and others.

They spend the rest of the afternoon drinking too much coffee and being sorely tempted by the cakes on display, catching up with each other and – in the case of Vicky and Lardo – getting to know each other.

“It’s so unfair!” Lardo groaned. “All of you have spent time with Vicky and I’m stuck at the Haus!” 

“Oh, no stress. I plan to stick around a while.”

The others laughed, and Vicky and Ford exchanged a very soft look. Lardo threw a balled up napkin at them.

“Stop getting your gross feelings everywhere, you two. Tell me about growing up with Dex, Vicky.”

Vicky did, told them about playing hockey with him and their older brother, Alex. Because they couldn’t afford new ones for all the kids, she’d wear the pads both brothers had grown out of, even though they didn’t fit properly and were worn out. She told them of whispered conversations during summer nights, of boys and girls, of college and Chowder.

They talked about college (only Vicky had done the whole four years, but both Farmer and Ford had gone for a year before hockey), about books, about Chowder, about the show, how Dex had managed to set Ford and Vicky up while being away in the Bachelorette Haus and on electronic lock down, ...

Lardo didn’t want to stop talking with them, but the café closed and Shitty came to pick her up.

 

“I’m going to send Chowder home this week,” she told him on their way back to the house. “I think he’s getting itchy about his training and also, he and Farmer have this thing? So yeah.”


	10. Week 9

Kent loved his little, surprisingly domestic bubble with Alexei and Tyler, and he was a little afraid of what would happen once it popped. And popping it would. It was still relatively early in the off season, they were still all training individually, but it wasn’t long until Tater would have to leave to train with the Falconers.

And time was flying.

***

“So that’s a very nice thing that Mashkov did, flying across the country for you.”

Kent nearly dropped the plate he was holding in his hands when Swoops spoke. “Dear Lord, Swoops, warn a guy.”

“Sorry.” Swoops was leaning against the counter, and when Kent turned to him, he didn’t look even a little bit sorry. “I didn’t know you and Mashkov were friends.”

“Yeah well,” Kent said. “I don’t tell you  _ everything  _ about my life, do I?”

He kind of did.

“You kind of do.” Swoops looked unimpressed. “Kent, the last time we played the Falconers you told me you were just waiting for him to eat you. And now he’s flying across the country to support you, at the drop of a hat? I feel like I’m missing something here.”

Kent sighed. “We’ve been texting a little, okay? But there really isn’t much to tell.”

Swoops continued to look unimpressed. “He flew across the country for you, Kent. Everybody else made do with a tweet.”

“He… wanted to see Vegas?”

Swoops sighed. “Alright, you don’t want to talk about it, I get it. But I want you to know that I know that there’s more going on here.”

“Sure.” Kent tried for light-hearted and missed by about a mile. “In your head. Swoops, come on. I tell you everything.” Eventually.

Before Swoops could answer, however, Tyler came into the kitchen and opened the fridge, completely ignoring Kent and Swoops, until – “You don’t have anything to eat, Kent.”

“Yeah well. There’s been a couple of guys over the last few days. They didn’t bring food.”

***

“Kent.”

“Huh?” Kent had some trouble redirecting his attention from Alexei and Tyler – sitting on the couch, heads bend together, Kit on the back rest behind them – to Swoops. But Swoops’ voice sounded very flat the way it did when he was slowly getting pissed off about something. “What’s up, Swoops?”

Swoops sighed. “Your boyfriend’s still gonna be here later, Kent. Or boyfriends? I really can’t tell with the three of you.”

Kent stuck his tongue out at Swoops. “I told you man. Not my boyfriends. Just friends. Me being gay doesn’t mean I get it on with all the guys, man. We’ve had this discussion.”

“Kent. You know I know that. But Mashov and Ty are basically moved in at this point.”

“Alexei is a guest of mine, Swoops. Means he spends a lot of time here by definition. I’m not gonna send him to stay at a hotel, am I now?”

Yeah, right.” Swoops didn’t sound very convinced. “Anyway, some of the guys wanted me to talk to you about a You Can Play video.”

“You Can Play Video?”

“Yeah, we want to do this video. Like, we know the feedback you got so far was overwhelmingly positive, but we wanted to make it clear to everyone that we won’t take shit when it comes to you.” Kent didn’t miss the fact that Swoops looked at Tyler and Alexei before saying: “Or anyone else.”

“What did you have in mind?” he asked, and Swoops explained.  

“Swoops,” Kent said, once he’d finished explaining. “Swoops, I… I don’t know what to say. I just…”

Swoops smiled. “Well, that one’s easy. You say you like it – you do, right? And then you come here and let me hug you.”

Kent felt himself tearing up. Again. Who’d have known that coming out publicly would come with so many tears?

“Swoops,” he said. “Swoops, I love it.”

He didn’t even have to ask before Swoops pulled him into a hug, tight and crushing. Kent loved Swoops’ hugs.

After a while where they’d just stood in the middle of the room, hugging, Swoops said: “Kent, I know we’ve been over this, but – I think your boyfriends might be trying to murder me with looks alone.”

***

“So um.”

Dex looked up from his book. Nursey had just sat down on the deck chair next to Dex’s, and he looked uncharacteristically nervous.

“I just heard that Jack and Bitty are leaving. Show’s almost over,” Nursey said, and oh. That’s what this was about. Dex put his book aside and sat up, facing Nursey.

“So it is.”

“I –” Nursey stopped and looked down. Dex gave him a minute, and then another.

“Hey, Derek, look at me.” Only when Nursey looked up did he continue. “I’m nervous about this too. About after. I can’t tell you what’s going to happen. I wish I could, but I don’t know either. But what I do know is that I want to find out with you. Together.”

Nursey smiled at him, and Dex intertwined their fingers. It wasn’t going to be easy, but he was looking forward to what would happen after the show. He really was.

***

“Red or white wine to go with dinner?” Tyler asked and Kent looked up from the vegetables he was sautéeing.

“Whichever you like better. Or feel like. Are you going to stay the night?” 

Tyler shrugged. After that first night they’d all spent cuddled together, Tyler had spent about every other night at Kent’s, but always in the guest room. Not being sober had been the argument for him to stay more often than not, but it was a thin excuse Alexei had brought up when he’d noticed that Tyler was too shy to ask if he might stay.

Not that Kent minded at all.

“You know you’re always welcome to stay,” he said now, just to make that clear. “Wine or no wine.”

Tyler smiled, a soft, small smile. “I do. I’ll go ask Alexei if he has any preferences?”

“You do that. Though my bet’s on white.”


	11. Week 10

Kent was the last one up, which was a surprise. Usually, he was the first to be out and about. Alexei, it had turned out, valued late, lazy mornings in bed. Kent wasn’t sure about Tyler, but he was usually summoned by the sounds of the coffee machine.

But today, Kent woke up to an empty bed and voices and clattering coming from the kitchen, and when he walked in, Alexei and Tyler were making breakfast together. They hadn’t noticed him yet, so he stopped and watched them.

“Доброе утро,” Alexei said, slowly.

“Dobroye utro,” Tyler repeated. It sounded pretty much the same to Kent, but apparently it didn’t to Alexei, because he repeated it again: “Доброе утро.”

“Dobroye utro.” 

“Better.”

“I don’t hear the difference, man. Dobroye utro.” 

“Yes, yes, poor Ty, Russian very hard for American tongues. Next is ‘eggs’. яйца.”

“Yaytsa.”

“да. And Bacon. бекон. Almost same thing.”

“бекон.”   
“яйца и бекон.” Kent must’ve made a sound then, because Alexei turned around and smiled at him. “Доброе утро, солнышко.”

“And good morning to you too,” Kent answered, coming closer to take a look at what Tyler and Alexei were making – unsurprisingly, it was bacon and eggs. He had no idea what Alexei had just said, but his answer must’ve been acceptable, because Alexei pulled him into a half hug with one arm and gave him a soft, quick kiss.

Tyler and Alexei continued their impromptu Russian lesson over breakfast, with Alexei pointing things out and naming them.

“Okay, I have a question too,” Kent finally asked. “How do I say “My boyfriend is the best”?”

Alexei preened a little when he answered: “мой парень самый лучший.”

***

“Hey, Shitty.”

Shitty didn’t even need to look up from his clipboard to know the face Lardo made. This was her  _ asking for a favour _ voice. He knew himself well enough to not pretend that he wouldn’t get her whatever she wanted, but Lardo didn’t need to know that.

“Lardo, what can I do for you?” he asked. “Grand plans for the last week?” 

Lardo smiled at him, and his stomach jumped a little.

“So I’ve been thinking about some stuff. Do you have some time now?” 

Shitty sighed, exaggerating a little, and made a show of putting his clipboard away. He knew that Lardo wasn’t fooled by either thing, but he wanted to keep up appearances. At least a little.

Lardo held up a bottle of red wine. “I brought wine?”

***

“You did not.”

“Sure I did.” Lardo giggled into her glass of wine. “Totally worth it.”

Shitty grinned and grabbed the bottle of wine – their second one – to distract himself from the funny feeling in his stomach. And from the way Lardo’s giggles sounded.

“Okay, my turn to ask. Do you have any tattoos?”

“Yes.”

“Can I see?” 

Shitty took in Lardo’s eyes, big and curious, her smile, and considered it for a second. However –

“Nope, you had your question. My turn again. Where’s your Cup tattoo?” His question startled a laugh out of Lardo, loud and a little weird. He loved it, he realized.

“You’re awfully sure about the fact that I even  _ have _ a Cup tattoo,” she said and he grinned at her.

“Not an answer, Larissa,” he pointed out. “Also, Farmer told me all about your matching tattoos, so where’s yours?”

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours?”

“Sure. It’s pretty close to the scars from my top surgery, so if you have a problem with scars...”

***

They talked about it after spending the afternoon in the gym together. Kent was just considering how good his chance of talking Alexei into joining him in the shower was, when Alexei came into the bathroom, looking uncharacteristically serious.

“солнышко, we talk about Tyler?”

“What about Tyler?” Kent asked and he – he didn’t know where he expected Alexei to go with this. Wasn’t quite sure where he  _ wanted _ him to go.

Alexei looked at him, unwavering. “Think maybe, want include him. In relationship.”

Kent hadn’t quite expected that. “Really?” 

“Like you. Like him. Think you like him too. Think, doesn’t have to be hard. But know maybe you not want, because he is team.”

Kent stepped closer to Alexei.

“God damn, you’re amazing,” he said. “And I did have a ‘no looking at teammates’ rule in the past, but I kinda don’t give a fuck anymore, I think.”

Alexei grinned down at him, and he grinned back, just for a second, before leaning up and kissing Alexei.

Then he pulled Alexei into the shower with him.

They sat down for the conversation with Tyler afterwards, with coffee.

Neither Alexei nor Tyler had bothered with a shirt after their showers, but the fact that Kent, in sweatpants and a tee, was the most dressed between the three of them would absolutely not be distracting. 

Kent would absolutely not be distracted by Alexei’s thighs, framed by his cut off sweats, he told himself, much less firmly than he’d ever admit to.

He also wouldn’t be distracted by Alexei’s hand, warm and heavy on his ankle.

Or the way Tyler’s tattoos moved over his muscles whenever Tyler took a sip of coffee.

Kent closed his eyes.

Breathed slowly and consciously.

Opened his eyes again. Alexei was smiling at him. Tyler had Kitt on his lap now.

They had the discussion like the mature and responsible adults they claimed to be, and then Kent had a lap full of mostly-naked Tyler.

He could definitely get used to this.

***

The next morning, Kent woke up slowly, warm and well-rested. He was a little hungry, but he also wasn’t yet ready to get up.   
  
Alexei was, as always, more or less plastered to his back and radiating warmth. His arm was curled around Kent's waist, hot and heavy, and he was still snoring softly. He never let go of Kent during the night, but Kent didn't mind.   
  
Tyler, on the other hand, had extracted himself during the night and now he was lying on his belly, just far enough away from Kent that it was a bit of a stretch to get his fingertips on Tylers back, following the lines of his tattoos. He woke up when Kent traced the lines of the flowers curling around the side of his ribs.

“Hi,” he said and smiled softly, leaning into the touch.

“Hi.” Kent smiled back. Alexei continued snoring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kent also, definitely, at one point asked how to say "touch him again and i’ll cut you". A friend of mine kindly translated it into Russian: _ещё раз притронешься к нему - зарежу_ , with the caveat that literally it's more of "if you touch him again, I'll kill you with a knife", which is a sentence I absolutely love.
> 
> Alexei is weirdly charmed by his little boyfriend with the murderous tendencies. He also let's the other Russians in the league know that whoever fucks with Kent has to answer to him, too. (There's a group chat.)


	12. Finale

_ 3 months before the start of filming _

_ “Duan?” _

_ “Hi Miss Duan, this is uh, Shitty Knight, from The Bachelorette? I don’t know if you’ve seen the email I sent to you already, but I’m calling to let you know that I’m taking over for Marco as your contact on the team.” _

_ “What kind of name is Shitty?” _

_ “It’s an old hockey nickname.” _

_ “College?” _

_ “Yes ma’am.” _

_ “Marco didn’t want to deal with me anymore?” _

_ “Uh, yeah. Sorry.” _

_ “So you know what you’re in for?” _

_ “Yes ma’am.” _

_ “You okay with that?” _

_ “Yes ma’am.” _

_ “Dear gods, stop calling me ma’am. Do you know what Marco and I talked about, regarding the show?” _

_ “Yes m– Miss Duan. I think I got all of your correspondence. Just to be sure though, I’d like to go over at least all the important points with you asap.” _

_ “Did you just say “asap” out loud?” _

_ “I – yes.” _

_ “Alright, I don’t have a lot of time right now, so how about you email me your list with points you want to talk about and I’ll call you back?” _

_ “Yeah, okay.” _

_ “Right. Does five hours from now work for you?” _

_ “Yes.” _

_ “Very well. I’ll call you then. Make sure I’ll have some time with your list beforehand. And Shitty? Call me Lardo.” _

***

Of course, for the finale they brought everyone back. Some people Dex was happy to see again, others – not so much.

“I really don’t see why I should be here again. It’s a little useless, isn’t it?”

Dex rolled his eyes at the dude who had just said that and then realized that he had no idea what his name was. He didn’t care enough to ask.

Instead, he ignored the small group of contestants who had left the show early and continued his search for Chowder. When he pushed open the door to the sunroom, he felt strangely reminded of the first evening.

This time however, he didn’t have to get Chowder’s attention over a crowd, because Chowder was waiting specifically for  _ him _ . At the sight of Chowder however, he stopped short, just inside the door.

“Hi there,” Chowder said and smiled up at Dex from where he was sitting on the couch. He was wearing slacks and a teal button down, but with the top two buttons undone and sleeves rolled up to the elbows. “Why are you over there? Get here, come on.”

Dex did.

***

_ End of Week 1 _

_ “I want to play matchmaker.” _

_ “You want to what?” _

_ “Dex came to me before the rose ceremony. He offered to drop out because he’s got the hots for Derek. I told him I’d rather he stayed until I had a chance to weed out the really bad ones. And that he was welcome to pursue Derek, if he so wanted. So I want to play matchmaker.” _

_ “For Dex and Derek?” _

_ “And whoever else.” _

_ “Whoever… else?” _

_ “Yes. I think there’s a chance that there might be more potential for matchmaking. Farmer and Chowder, for one.” _

_ “Farmer isn’t even on the show, Lardo.” _

_ “Oh come on Shitty, can’t we like, include some things where I can invite friends for?” _

_ “I’ll see what I can do.” _

_ “You’re the best.” _

***

When Nursey found them, Dex was in Chowder’s lap and they were making out as if they were back in college.

“Well hello,” he said. “Didn’t quite expect that.”

Both Dex and Chowder looked at him, but while Chowder winked at Nursey, Dex went bright red and buried his face in the side of Chowder’s neck.

“Aww, Dex,” Nursey said as he came closer. “Wasn’t expecting it. Doesn’t mean I didn’t appreciate it.”

Chowder laughed. Dex flipped Nursey off without taking his face out of Chowder’s neck. 

“Any chance there’s some space for me as well?” Nursey asked and Dex finally moved, sliding off Chowder’s lap onto the couch. His face was still bright red, but he looked Nursey in the eye. 

“Sure,” Chowder said, and when he was sure that he had Nursey’s attention, he inclined his head towards Dex. Nursey took that to mean he should go sit with Dex, so he climbed into his lap and took Dex’s face into his hands, kissing him softly. Dex returned the kiss without missing a beat.

“Hi babe,” he said when they broke apart. “You weren’t planning on hogging Chowder, were you?” 

Dex shook his head.

“Good.” Nursey twisted and leaned over to kiss Chowder hello as well, bracing himself on Chowder’s thigh with one hand, Dex’s arms anchoring him.

As it turned out, making out with two people at the same time was more complicated than he thought, but they managed just fine.

***

_ Week 3 _

_ “We’re going to need a camera free floor and NDAs.” _

_ “Ransom and Holster?” _

_ “Yep. I really want them to stay, so.” _

_ “Camera free floor and NDAs, coming right up… Say, at which point does this stop being The Bachelorette and become a matchmaking show?” _

_ “Shitty, I don’t know how to tell you this, but. The Bachelorette IS a matchmaking show.” _

_ “Point. Still though, this is not traditional.” _

_ “Well, neither am I. Also, this is fun. Aren’t you having fun?” _

_ “I might be having a little fun.” _

_ “There you go.” _

***

They all gathered for a big dinner before the last rose ceremony and while Dex still wasn’t much of a fan, watching some of the candidates that had left the show relatively early figuring out what had gone down at the Haus was hilarious. Ransom and Holster carefully didn’t draw attention to themselves, and neither did Dex and Chowder, but other than that no one made much of a secret about the relationships that had started.

“Hold on, let me get this straight,” someone said and Nursey snorted. Dex elbowed him in the ribs, but couldn’t quite suppress a smile either. “So Larissa set some of you up?”

“What the fuck?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say  _ some _ of them,” Lardo interjected. “More like all of them.”

“Oh wow, I didn’t know I was a successful women’s hockey player these days,” Nursey said, and when everyone looked at him confused, he added: “I set up Jack and Bitty.”

A few seats over, Daniel and Henrik broke into laughter.

“Right,” Daniel said and Henrik managed to say “You wish, Derek.” through his laughter. 

Nursey looked a little hurt, so Dex threw an arm over his shoulders and pulled him close. “Aw honey, I’m sure you were an integral part of getting Jack and Bitty together.”

“You could try to sound a little less sarcastic, Dex.”

“They were sitting on you when we came back, Derek. I thought they had to hold you back because you were so enthusiastic.”

Daniel winked at Dex. “Close enough.”

***

Finally, they all gathered on the terrace for the last time.

Lardo was wearing a new dress, makeup and a smile that wasn’t even fake. Despite her fears, the last weeks had been a lot of fun – and while her candidates had certainly contributed to that, the main reason this had all worked out so well was one guy: Shitty.

She smiled at Nursey, Dex and Henrik, the last three official candidates; the former candidates were forming a semi-circle behind them, everyone wearing their best suits. 

And between Ransom and Holster was Shitty, looking slightly confused – the two of them had grabbed him and talked him into joining the candidates “because the number of roses received qualifies you for a spot with us.”

Lardo had asked them to make sure Shitty would join them, and she’d talked to Dex, Nursey and Henrik as well, beforehand.

Farmer handed her the last rose: a long-stemmed Attache Hot Pink Rose.

She held a small speech, carefully worded and learned by heart before the ceremony, but afterwards she didn’t remember a single word. She ended with:

“My last three candidates – Henrik, Derek, Dex. Thank you, for sticking with me and making this show such a great experience and thank you for making the implementation of my plans such a non issue. Henrik – I hope you enjoyed your time here, even though you won’t be leaving with a rose tonight. Dex and Derek – I wish you all the best, together. I’m so happy you found each other.

But my last rose is for my favourite person here.” She turned to face Shitty. Realisation was blooming on his face even before she said:   
  
“Shitty, do you accept this rose?”

Shitty stepped forward, past Dex, Nursey and Henrik, smiling at her.

“I do.”

***

Parse @kparson

_ thank you, @larissaduan20 #TheBachelorette _

**Author's Note:**

> As always, your comments/kudos and visiting me on [tumblr](https://vanillivilovesreus.tumblr.com) is highly incouraged!


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